I work with a lot of super-smart brides -- academics, lawyers, scientists, doctors -- highly intellectual women who have spent years developing their abilities to think through problems.
Their analytical skills have gotten them very far in life.
The problem is: the decision to get married is made primarily with the heart. With feelings instead of thoughts.
These brilliant women are trying to think their way to answers. They examine their situations from every possible angle. Make endless pro-and-con lists. Do detailed cost-benefit analysis.
And still: they don't know if their decision to marry this guy is right.
Because what they need to be doing is also feeling their way to the answers.
For many super smart brides, trusting their feelings in the big decision-making process is an undeveloped skill set. It can be challenging. Even scary and disorienting, relying on feelings for such an important decision.
They contact me because they are flummoxed. What usually gets them through hard decisions isn't working with this getting-married thing.
I'm so glad when they begin to work with me. First, I ask them to share all the thinking that preceded their contacting me. Some even email me their pro-con lists, so I'm fully informed of the complexity of their situations.
Then we get to work at getting to the underlying FEELINGS about the relationship and the marriage. Together, we work to turn down the volume on the intellect and turn up the volume on the emotion. They don't stop thinking, but they do start to connect and trust their feelings.
This doesn't necessarily happen right away, so I was surprised and happy to get this email right after a first session with a bride:
You were extremely helpful to my thought process today and helping me quell the anxiety I have been feeling. I feel much less stressed and happy about moving forward. :-)
I've worked with many highly intellectual, thinking brides, and if you're trying to "think" your way through a "feeling" decision, I can help you too. Contact me for a free 15-minute Skype consultation today, and let's see what we can do together.
The decision to get married isn't completely intellectual, and this can be tough for highly analytical brides. I can help. Contact me for a free 15-minute video consultation today
Don't miss this blog by Connie Ann (aka "The Most Relaxed Bride", see post below): Three Blessings of a Long Engagement.
Connie Ann admits that she wasn't fully psyched about waiting 2 years to be married, after dating already for 3. But the long wait did come with 3 unexpected benefits, including time "to focus on preparing for our marriage, not just the wedding." To read the 2 other blessings, click here. And congratulations again, Connie Ann!
I love hearing from brides, and I do every single week.
From middle-of-the-night emails from brides who've stumbled across my website and instantly feel less alone in their struggles, to brides I work with weekly throughout their engagements, it's a privelege and an honor to help women make this tricky transition from single to married.
This week a Tweet went out that made my day:
"My cousin commented that I'm the most relaxed bride she's ever seen. #soexcited #26daysleft Thank you @emo_engaged
And a note on my Facebook page:
"With less than a month to go until my wedding, some of my aunts and mother's friends commented that I was the most relaxed bride they've ever seen. I told them that it was all thanks to your book!"
The writer is Connie Ann, who wrote a post about my book, Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life.
We've never spoken, never met. She just read my book and wrote about it:
"Being engaged is not, by any stretch, the happiest time of your life. It’s exciting, yes. It’s a dream come true to marry your true love. But it’s also stressful. And you can feel sadness, hurt, anxiety, depression, and excitement all at the same time. Your life is changing, and no matter how much you love your husband-to-be, change is difficult. It’s confusing. And to top it all off, you’re simultaneously planning the biggest and most important party of your life"....(Click to read rest of the post)
Connie Ann, thank you for your honest words about what your engagement was like.
And a BIG THANK YOU that, despite the rocky, bumpy, emotionally difficult times when you were a bride-to-be, here you are, happy, ready and very relaxed about getting married in 3 weeks
We all want a full report -- and photos -- from your wedding day. It will be glorious, and you will be fully emotionally present for it all. You worked hard. You did it. You deserve it.
To all other brides: you too can make the journey from overwhelmed to relaxed, as Connie Ann did. But you've got to do the emotional work to get where she is today. My book and I can help. Contact me for a free 15-minute Skype consultation today to get started.