The holidays are a magical time for engaged couples
You and your fiancé will be the center of attention. You’ll receive gifts, toasts, and good wishes. You’ll have parties thrown for you. You’ll be asked all about your wedding. You’ll feel more in love with your fiancé than you have since he popped the question.
You’ll find yourselves envisioning holidays in years to come, imagining new traditions you’ll start and the children that you’ll share them with.
Looking forward, not back
Many brides-to-be describe their transitions out of the Ending stage and into the Bridging stage of their engagements like a fog finally lifting.
For the early months of their engagement, they walked around consumed by feelings of loss and disorientation as they let go of old ways of being.
They felt that the confusion would never end. They’ve been afraid that they’d be in a down, depressed funk on their wedding day, and that they’d never feel happy or excited about getting married, even though, deep down, they trusted that that was what they wanted to do.
As the wedding approaches , joyful anticipation creeps back in
Once you enter the Bridging stage, you will have made the internal psychological adjustments necessary to begin you new life as a married woman...
Please share your thoughts in the comments below, and stay tuned for next week’s installment of ‘Book to Blog’ – Chapter 8!
Four friends, four different outcomes
Lucky for Pauline, Gina was the type of person who put her feelings on the table.
“I’m so happy for you, Pauline,” Gina volunteered just fays after Pauline got engaged. "And I hope it’s okay to tell you this, but watching you find Mr. Right just makes me worry about myself, you know?”
With Gina, Pauline had it easy, because Gina was able to separate her own feelings into two categories: sad for herself, and happy for Pauline.
Gina didn’t shy away from her feelings of sadness; she didn’t push the sadness away because it was real for her.
And voicing her sadness – expressing and sharing it with Pauline—was essential because it made their interactions real and honest.
Both Gina, and Pauline knew where the other stood, how the other felt, and how the other valued the friendship.
Please share your thoughts in the comments below, and stay tuned for next week’s installment of ‘Book to Blog’ – Chapter 7!
Chapter 4 dives into the concept of family, and how certain roles and relationships may be altered during the length of the engagement, and ultimately in married life.
From the mothers who insist on taking on the wedding-planning-role, to siblings refusing to build a relationship with the fiancé – it can be a hectic, overwhelming time.
I share stories of brides who each had different experiences, but all eventually had to face what was really going on beneath the surface.
Below I have included a portion of Maria’s story.
With only five months until her
In Chapter Two of Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life, I share the story of Erica, a bride whose engagement turned out to be the opposite of the fantasy she had always envisioned.
In order for a bride to best understand that all the emotions and anxieties she is feeling are actually normal -- and even necessary -- I discuss and debunk the most common wedding myths.
Below I have included a snippet of my favorite myth ... debunked!
Fantasy: Your engagement will be romance 24/7
But it’s a stressful time for your relationship with your fiancé as well. Many engaged couples report more fighting and less sex, most uncertainty and less fun.
Many engaged couples report more fighting and less sex, most uncertainty and less fun
What’s more, your relationship -- once intensely private -- has now becomes public property.
Everyone feels compelled to comment on whether or not you’re a good match.
Your nosy (and tactless) Aunt Janice may shamelessly inquire, “Will he be able to provide for you in the manner to which you are accustomed, dear?” (That sure didn’t happen when you were dating.)
On top of that, all eyes are on you to plan the perfect wedding ....
By putting my personal story in the first couple of pages of the book, I was hoping to speak directly to the reader, and somehow say "I’ve been where you are."
Below are a few snippets from the chapter that embody my message, my honesty, and my truth.
More than two million brides
So a few months after our wedding, I founded Emotionally Engaged Counseling for Brides and focused my psychotherapy practice solely on brides-to-be.
I took a chance, starting my practice for brides with this premise:
If I felt that discombobulated during my engagement, some of the 2.3 million American brides might too
Most brides attended my workshops hoping to learn how to eliminate their negative feelings
In reality, emotions work the opposite way.
When strong emotions are not felt, they grow in power and intensity
I'm excited to launch this new series -- Dear Newly Engaged Me, written by brides themselves -- about their own experiences of being engaged. These are intimate, personal portraits, and most brides ask to remain anonymous. If you'd like to contribute, email me!
Thanks to Dear Me: A Letter to My 16-Year-Old Self for the inspiration. Please check out this wonderful site and book.
This first Dear Newly Engaged Me is written by a 31-year-old bride. We worked together via Skype weekly for four months leading up to her wedding.
Dear Newly Engaged Me:
But it wasn't always that way for me during this 18 months of being engaged. Not by a long shot.
It's OK to think he isn't "The One"
She often tells me that she sobbed when she read my website -- that finally, someone understood what she was going through.
We met on Skype the next day, and she sobbed basically through the entire free 15-minute consultation.
And so began our 6-month journey of bridal counseling
They feel overrun at times by extreme happiness that they are marrying this great guy.
At the same time, they're also stressed, sad, anxious, fearful, and confused.
Feeling this way can be disorienting and disturbing.
And definitely not what you expected to feel during your engagement.
Emotional overwhelm is a common state for some brides
Book To Blog
Brides: Success Stories
Dear Newly Engaged Me
Help For Brides
Sessions W Brides