Blog - Emotionally Engaged

From Brides.com: How Do You REALLY Feel About Your Engagement Ring?

12/31/2016

For all you newly engaged brides out there, my Dec 26 post on Brides.com:

Do you love it? Did he nail it?

Lucky you!

We’re happy for you that your engagement ring hasn’t created any strife or stress.

Not all brides are so enthused.

Some are lukewarm about their rings; it’s a few degrees off from what they would have chosen for themselves.

Some are embarrassed by the size of the diamond, be it too big or too small.

Some are angry and hurt, because their guy completely missed the mark.

Brides.com: Daughter-In-Law 101: Tips for Joining Your New Family

9/29/2016

I'm happy to share today's post from Brides.com!

Read on....

You've known your partner's family for a while now. Love 'em or leave 'em, becoming a part of his or her family requires a different, more flexible and more patient mindset. For all the brides-to-be who are about to become daughter-in-laws, here are some tips and things to remember to seamlessly becoming a part of your new family.

1. You are a stranger in a strange land.
Think of your time with your new in-laws as if you're traveling to a foreign country. His family's traditions and customs will be different from your family's. Have respect and remember that they've functioned perfectly well for generations their way. Don't go in guns-blazing to try to make them more like yours.

2. They speak a foreign language.
You may all be speaking English, but as a newcomer, you can't know the subtext of what's going on in a conversation: the meaning, intent, and history behind the words spoken are unknown to you. Don't assume you understand the deep meaning of your father-in-law's "Hmmm, that's interesting."

3. They have different body language, too. When your mom looks at you askance, you know exactly what she's getting across. Your MIL? You haven't a clue what her raised eyebrow means. Don't assume it's the same message as your mom's raised eyebrow.

4. Let your spouse be your tour guide.
After a lifetime of living with them, your partner can read the situation, the mood, and the nuance far better than you'll ever be able to. For example if your partner says, "Hey, let's not push this point right now," or if he or she lets you know that showing up even just 15 minutes late to dinner with your in-laws is not cool, take the advice and adjust your behavior. If you're in doubt about what is going on, ask your partner to explain.

5. Let your partner take the lead.
It's best to have your fiancé make the plans with your in-laws and lead the difficult or delicate conversations with his parents. Weekly phone calls to say hello can be a great way to encourage a relationship (and all you have to do is just pop on for a quick "hi"). Conversely, you can take the lead with your family, so that it feels equal and balanced.

Allison Moir-Smith is an author and bridal counselor who specializes in engagement anxiety and cold feet.

To access my 50+ posts Brides.com

Type "Allison Moir-Smith" into the search bar on Brides.com. It's quite a library at this point!

Brides.com: The True Story of the Bride Who Tried on 100 Dresses

5/6/2016

So, how many gowns have you tried on?

My post this week on Brides.com:

There once was a bride,
Wouldn't couldn't be satisfied.
Even after trying on 100 dresses.

Sounds an old-timey limerick or haiku, doesn't it?
Sadly, it isn't: it's the very modern-day true story of a bride I worked with who was still disappointed in her wedding gown, even after trying on more than 100 dresses.

Partly, it's the Internet to blame: there's always that gnawing sense that, if you just click around enough, you will find that 100% perfect dress. We're all plagued by a chronic sense of dissatisfaction, a sense we could find "the one" — if we just put in more time and effort.

But the Internet's not solely to blame here. Because, it turns out, this bride didn't actually have a dress problem. It was a trusting-herself issue....

Click here to read my full post on Brides.com.

How I Felt Walking Down The Aisle: My Brides.com Post

3/10/2016

My mini-blog series continues

How 3 brides felt DURING the walk down the aisle.

Your walk down the aisle is the most epic, most photographed, most significant brief walk of your life. How will you feel as you make your way to your soon-to-be husband? You can't predict, but you can learn what three other brides experienced.

Follow this mini blog series, get to know these brides, and learn about the range of emotions they experienced — so you can get a sense of what you may go through on your big day. Here, the brides share how they felt walking down the aisle toward their about-to-be spouse.

Walking down the aisle, I felt...
"I felt so fully myself and completely loved in the moments before and during my walk up the aisle," said Tina from New York City....

Click to read full post.

Brides.com: How I Felt 15 Minutes Before The Ceremony

2/22/2016

Check out my mini blog series

Real Brides Share: How I Felt 15 Minutes Before the Ceremony

"We know you spend a not-insignificant amount of time daydreaming, fantasizing, and wondering what it's going to feel like on your wedding day. So we asked three brides to share their emotional play-by-plays of the hours and minutes leading up to — and right after — the wedding.
Follow this mini blog series, get to know these brides, and learn about the range of emotions they experienced — so you can get a sense of what you may go through on your big day. Here, the brides share how they felt 15 minutes before their wedding ceremony.

15 minutes before the ceremony, I felt...
"A little lonely," said Tina from New York City.

Brides.com: Your Parents: How to Stop Their Wedding Planning Madness

11/19/2015

Click for full post on Brides.com

Brides.com: Does More Sex Make You Happier?

7/10/2015

My post on Brides.com this week: Does Having More Sex Make You Happier?

We bet your fiancé's argued this point before: that you'll both be happier if you have more sex.

Now you can have an informed discussion about this age-old couples conundrum, with data from a new study to be published in the August issue of
The Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization.

Here's how they conducted the study, as reported on the Well Blog of the New York Times: 64 adult couples, all married and heterosexual, completed questionnaires about how often they had sex, how enjoyable it was and how happy they were in general. Half the couples were then told to maintain their sex lives as usual. The other half were told to double the amount of sex they had.

Click for more...

Brides.com: So, You're Not Crazy About Your Mother-In-Law...

5/22/2015

Many brides I work with have mothers-in-law-to-be who are, shall we say, challenging to deal with.

My post from Brides.com this week begins like this:

"Bossy, opinionated, intrusive, nosy, disrespectful, unboundaried, out of line — mothers-in-law-to-be have pretty bad reputations — and sometimes these bad reps are truly deserved. Before acting out from that raging inferno inside of you that wants to make it crystal clear to her to butt out because you're now the #1 woman in her son's life, consider these three things.

1. Without her, your great guy would not exist on this planet. At the most basic level, you must respect the womb....."

Click for full post.

Brides.com: When Your Best Friend Gets Engaged...and You Don't

4/9/2015

Ouch.

Read my post on Brides.com on how to handle this tricky and painful situation.

Have any other tips to add?

Share in the comments below!

Brides.com: Want to know if you'll have sex tonight?

4/3/2015

Then read the post on Brides.com that I wrote this week.

Surprising new study...that'll change how you feel about hopping into your PJs at 9pm!

Allison Moir-Smith