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Book to Blog, Chapter 2:  The Fantasy vs. the Reality of Being Engaged -- Wedding Myths Debunked! 

8/8/2014

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In Chapter Two of Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life,  I share the story of Erica, a bride whose engagement turned out to be the opposite of the fantasy she had always envisioned. 

In order for a bride to best understand that all the emotions and anxieties she is feeling are actually normal -- and even necessary -- I discuss and debunk the most common wedding myths. 

Below I have included a snippet of my favorite myth ... debunked!
Emotionally Engaged Chapter 2 Wedding Myths Debunked

Fantasy:  Your engagement will be romance 24/7

Reality:  This is a romantic time of life – choosing a ring, planning your dream wedding, imagining the future stretched out before you. 

But it’s a stressful time for your relationship with your fiancé as well. Many engaged couples report more  fighting and less sex, most uncertainty and less fun.

Many engaged couples report more fighting and less sex, most uncertainty and less fun

Why?: Because your relationship has taken on a new seriousness and permanence, and that is just plain scary. 

What’s more, your relationship -- once intensely private -- has now becomes public property. 

Everyone feels compelled to comment on whether or not you’re a good match. 

Your nosy (and tactless) Aunt Janice may shamelessly inquire, “Will he be able to provide for you in the manner to which you are accustomed, dear?” (That sure didn’t happen when you were dating.) 

On top of that, all eyes are on you to plan the perfect wedding ....

Click here to find out more of what Chapter 2 holds!

Please share your thoughts in the comments below, and stay tuned for next week’s installment of "Book to Blog" Chapter 3!
Allison Moir-Smith
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Book to Blog, Chapter 1:  The Happiest Time of My Life? Yeah, Right.

7/31/2014

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Emotionally Engaged Book to Blog Chapter 1
In Chapter I of Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life, I disclose details on my relationship, engagement, and ultimately my wedding. 

By putting my personal story in the first couple of pages of the book, I was hoping to speak directly to the reader, and somehow say "I’ve been where you are." 

Below are a few snippets from the chapter that embody my message, my honesty, and my truth. 

More than two million brides

During my engagement,  I learned how to turn my conflicting emotions into important personal growth. I wanted to help other brides-to-be do the same. 

So a few months after our wedding, I founded Emotionally Engaged Counseling for Brides and focused my psychotherapy practice solely on brides-to-be. 

I took a chance, starting my practice for brides with this premise:

If I felt that discombobulated during my engagement, some of the 2.3 million American brides might too

Either that, or I was one in 2.3 million and a complete freak. 

Most brides attended my workshops hoping to learn how to eliminate their negative feelings

They were afraid to give in to their sadness and fear, thinking  that once they turned on the faucet, they’d never be able to shut it off. 

In reality, emotions work the opposite way. 

When strong emotions are not felt, they grow in power and intensity

When they are felt, the sadness and fear pass through your system. Facing and feeling negative emotions can have a cathartic effect. It cleans house of the fear and sadness, doubt and worry, and makes room once again for positive feelings of joy, excitement, and happiness.

Click here to find out more of what Chapter 1 holds

Please share your thoughts in the comments below, and stay tuned for next week’s installment of "Book to Blog: Chapter 2"!
Allison Moir-Smith
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Once Panicked, Now Peaceful: This Bride is SO Ready to Get Married

6/25/2014

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From Panicked to Peaceful: This Bride is SO Ready to Get Married
Last November,Ashley found me by Googling "cold feet about getting married."  

She often tells me that she sobbed when she read my website -- that finally, someone understood what she was going through. 

We met on Skype the next day, and she sobbed basically through the entire free 15-minute consultation.

And so began our 6-month journey of bridal counseling


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Why your groom should read Chapter 1 of Emotionally Engaged

3/27/2014

 
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Yes, I work with grooms, too.  And love it.

It's rare find for a guy to seek out counseling before the wedding.

But it's a wonderful sign of his commitment to the marriage.  

It's a sign that he wants to really understand the complex feelings that his fiance is feeling.  He also who wants to understand what he's feeling...the surprising feelings of fear and sadness that often come up for the grooms, even though he's the one who got the ball rolling by proposing.

It can be confusing, for everyone getting married.

That's why I love this email I received from Ron -- a very manly man who fights forest fires for a living:

I'm about 50 pages into your book, and I've already learned so much about how this step in life can and will change people.   

I had no idea all this was going on inside of both her and me.  I feel like I have a much better grasp on my emotions, and more compassion for hers.

It's been helpful to bridge the gap between our sessions.
I encourage every bride I work with to have her fiance read at least some of my book -- at the very least, Chapter 1, my own personal crazy story of wedding stress turned to joy -- so he can get a better grasp from a third party...an expert...what's going on for her.

This email is proof that that tactic works.

Thanks, Ron!

Click for Counseling for Grooms info

Allison Moir-Smith

Featured in North Shore Magazine:  "Wedding Work"

2/5/2014

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Thrilled to be featured on the back page of our fancy, glossy North Shore magazine!

The article's impossible to read on the image at right, so I'm typing it up for you here.

Wedding Work:
Engagements are a time of intense emotions -- of every sort

With media appearances on the TODAY show and Good Morning America, a published book titled Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life, and accolades from Brides, Cosmopolitan, Elle, and Modern Bride magazines, bridal counselor Allison Moir-Smith knows what tying the know is and is not.

How did this come to be your area of expertise?  I trained as a psychotherapist but came to focus on brides due to my own experience as a bride-to-be.  At the time, I was 35 years old and kind of an emotional wreck throughout my engagement.  I was happy, but also surprisingly sad, scared, and overwhelmed.  I kept thinking, 'Hey! Isn't this supposed to be the happiest time of my life?' 
My training told me this wasn't just garden-variety cold feet.  I worked hard to get at the root causes, and by my wedding day, I was ready to get married.  That challenging time changed my life.  Once I emerged from my pre-wedding jitters, I had a clearer, stronger sense of self.  I decided I wanted to help other brides-to-be navigate the confusing maze of emotions prior to their marriages.

Why do you take such an interest in the emotional well-being of brides-to-be?  I know firsthand that the engagement period can be a strangely lonely and isolating time of life.  Friends ad family are so excited and want to focus on the fun details.  Few ever ask about a bride's inner emotional life.  It's a period of huge personal growth.  Essentially, she's ending her life as a single woman.  She's adding a new branch to her family tree.  She's learning how to be a daughter-in-law.  She's no longer a girlfriend.  She's preparing to become a wife.  And she's trying to figure it all out while planning the most important and most expensive party of her life.  I want to impart that it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed, sad, and unsettled amidst all the goodness.  I want to give them some peace before their wedding day.

What is the most common piece of advice you give those who are questioning their feelings?  I tell them, 'This is a complicated time of life, and that's OK.' I say this again and again because women often believe  their engagements should only be blissful, romantic, and filled with champagne, roses, tastings, fittings, pampering and ease.  It's a myth promoted by bridal magazines, fairy tales, and Hollywood.

What sources/references do you use to help inform clients?  I have brides read my book, Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the 'Happiest" Time of Her Life. I also encourage them to read marriage researcher John Gottman's book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work.  It's an excellent guide on how to be (and stay) married.

Contact me for your free 15-minute video consultation.  I'll be in touch within 24 hours.
Allison Moir-Smith
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"How to Deal with a Bridezilla" on Radio MD

8/13/2013

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Brides often get a bad rap for being "Bridezillas" -- demanding, detail-obsessed, unyielding, even selfish and argumentative.  

But as I explain in this this interview on RadioMD with Melanie Cole, MS, "How to Deal with a Bridezilla," there's a reason for all this bridal drama....and there are some very helpful ways that bridesmaids and friends of the bride can do and say to the bride to dial it down.

To listen to this 10-minute interview, click here.

And be sure to pass it along to your bridesmaids, so they can help move out of crisis-mode and re-focus on what's truly important: getting married.

Feeling like a bridezilla? Contact me for a free 15-minute video consultation. I'll be in touch within 24 hours.

Allison Moir-Smith
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The Most Relaxed Bride

5/9/2013

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I love hearing from brides, and I do every single week.

From middle-of-the-night emails from brides who've stumbled across my website and instantly feel less alone in their struggles, to brides I work with weekly throughout their engagements, it's a privelege and an honor to help women make this tricky transition from single to married.

This week a Tweet went out that made my day:

"My cousin commented that I'm the most relaxed bride she's ever seen. #soexcited #26daysleft Thank you @emo_engaged
And a note on my Facebook page:
"With less than a month to go until my wedding, some of my aunts and mother's friends commented that I was the most relaxed bride they've ever seen. I told them that it was all thanks to your book!"
The writer is Connie Ann, who wrote a post about my book, Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life.  

We've never spoken, never met.  She just read my book and wrote about it:
"Being engaged is not, by any stretch, the happiest time of your life. It’s exciting, yes. It’s a dream come true to marry your true love. But it’s also stressful. And you can feel sadness, hurt, anxiety, depression, and excitement all at the same time. Your life is changing, and no matter how much you love your husband-to-be, change is difficult. It’s confusing. And to top it all off, you’re simultaneously planning the biggest and most important party of your life"....(Click to read rest of the post)
Connie Ann, thank you for your honest words about what your engagement was like.  

And a BIG THANK YOU that, despite the rocky, bumpy, emotionally difficult times when you were a bride-to-be, here you are, happy, ready and very relaxed about getting married in 3 weeks

We all want a full report -- and photos -- from your wedding day.  It will be glorious, and you will be fully emotionally present for it all.  You worked hard. You did it. You deserve it.

To all other brides: you too can make the journey from overwhelmed to relaxed, as Connie Ann did.  But you've got to do the emotional work to get where she is today.  My book and I can help. Contact me for a free 15-minute Skype consultation today to get started.

Want to be relaxed on your wedding day? 
Contact me for a free 15-minute video consultation.

Allison Moir-Smith
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Kimye? Brangelina? Liz & Dick?: Emotionally Engaged in Daily Candy

4/9/2013

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What kind of couple are you? 
What type of wedding-planning help do you need?

How to be a VIB (Very Important Bride) on your wedding day.  I'm psyched Emotionally Engaged's included in this sassy, fun & clever piece in Daily Candy
Allison Moir-Smith
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Welcome to my new site and new blog

12/4/2012

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I'm excited to launch my new site for Emotionally Engaged! 

My hope is to have Emotionally Engaged help clarify, deepen, enliven, empower and make even happier your experiences as a bride.  

You can expect lots of activity here on the blog, Twitter and Facebook, plus interesting and engaging workshops for brides and couples. 

But don't worry: if you enjoyed my previous blog posts, I will re-post them all here, one-by-one. Keep your eyes peeled for "From the Archives" posts for your favorites.

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter to stay informed.  And let me know what you think!

Contact me for a free 15-minute consultation

Allison Moir-Smith
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