Blog - Emotionally Engaged

Brides.com: Just Engaged? Do These 3 Things Before You Start Wedding Planning

11/30/2016

Here's today's post from Brides.com:

Rare is life as sweet as the first hours, days, and weeks of being engaged. Our advice? Prolong that lovely period for as long as possible

How to prolong it?

Easy: do not – we repeat – do not get into the nitty-gritty of wedding planning right away. Why? Because as soon as you start making real, actual plans, you’ll face the pressures of sticker shock and other people’s opinions. We want to help you postpone these complicating realities, since you’ll be living in them for many months to come. Just sayin’.

Don’t get stuck in the weeds of wedding planning. Do these 3 fun things to prolong the sweetness of this time:

1. Tell everyone, together.

Don’t text your engagement news or post it on Facebook.

Instead, you and your fiancé meet with important family and friends to share your news.

Or at least make a phone call with both of you on the line.

Contrast how different you’ll feel by getting a lot of Facebook “likes,” “OMG!” and “Congrats” responses versus hearing friends’ excited screams at your announcement, feeling their happy hugs, accepting their heartfelt congratulations, drinking their celebratory Champagne, and sharing your joy.

The latter sure sounds like a lot more fun and will create a lasting lifelong memory, marking the beginning of your engagement. Now that, we “like”!

2. Fantasize about your wedding.

From "fetal position" to the happiest wedding day: One bride's very successful bridal counseling experience

10/21/2016

Here's the very successful story of Erin, a 27-year-old bride-to-be, who I helped get married this summer.

Do you see yourself in her story?

Before meeting with Allison, I felt terrified, isolated, and confused.

I was so scared that what I was feeling wasn't "normal."

Scared that seeing Allison meant I had somehow failed at being a bride-to-be.

Scared that I was making the wrong decision in choosing to marry my fiancé.

Brides.com: Daughter-In-Law 101: Tips for Joining Your New Family

9/29/2016

I'm happy to share today's post from Brides.com!

Read on....

You've known your partner's family for a while now. Love 'em or leave 'em, becoming a part of his or her family requires a different, more flexible and more patient mindset. For all the brides-to-be who are about to become daughter-in-laws, here are some tips and things to remember to seamlessly becoming a part of your new family.

1. You are a stranger in a strange land.
Think of your time with your new in-laws as if you're traveling to a foreign country. His family's traditions and customs will be different from your family's. Have respect and remember that they've functioned perfectly well for generations their way. Don't go in guns-blazing to try to make them more like yours.

2. They speak a foreign language.
You may all be speaking English, but as a newcomer, you can't know the subtext of what's going on in a conversation: the meaning, intent, and history behind the words spoken are unknown to you. Don't assume you understand the deep meaning of your father-in-law's "Hmmm, that's interesting."

3. They have different body language, too. When your mom looks at you askance, you know exactly what she's getting across. Your MIL? You haven't a clue what her raised eyebrow means. Don't assume it's the same message as your mom's raised eyebrow.

4. Let your spouse be your tour guide.
After a lifetime of living with them, your partner can read the situation, the mood, and the nuance far better than you'll ever be able to. For example if your partner says, "Hey, let's not push this point right now," or if he or she lets you know that showing up even just 15 minutes late to dinner with your in-laws is not cool, take the advice and adjust your behavior. If you're in doubt about what is going on, ask your partner to explain.

5. Let your partner take the lead.
It's best to have your fiancé make the plans with your in-laws and lead the difficult or delicate conversations with his parents. Weekly phone calls to say hello can be a great way to encourage a relationship (and all you have to do is just pop on for a quick "hi"). Conversely, you can take the lead with your family, so that it feels equal and balanced.

Allison Moir-Smith is an author and bridal counselor who specializes in engagement anxiety and cold feet.

How to Stay Close to Your Single Girlfriends While Planning Your Wedding: Refinery 29

7/27/2016

I'm happy to be included in this post on Refinery 29 by Natalie Gontcharova about ways to reduce wedding stress.

My advice on Slide 7 may seem harsh, but I think it's apt and useful to keep in mind, so you can keep your most important single girlfriends close and in your life, even as you plan your wedding:

It's important to spend time with friends and family outside of wedding-related events, too.

And be careful about when (and how often) you discuss wedding planning. “Shut up about your wedding,” says Moir-Smith. (Love it.)

“Especially with your single girlfriends; they don’t want to hear it.

I [got married when I was 35, so I] spent 12, 14, years in New York having to hear about friends’ weddings. Be very selective who you’re talking to and how you’re talking to them about it.

Your single girlfriends — be incredibly sensitive to the impact. It [can be] triggering stuff for them, whether they acknowledge it or even know it. Be interested in them. They have lives going on.”

View the full slideshow here, including "Just Say No To The Wedding Industry" and "Find Your Solo Bliss"

Brides.com: The True Story of the Bride Who Tried on 100 Dresses

5/6/2016

So, how many gowns have you tried on?

My post this week on Brides.com:

There once was a bride,
Wouldn't couldn't be satisfied.
Even after trying on 100 dresses.

Sounds an old-timey limerick or haiku, doesn't it?
Sadly, it isn't: it's the very modern-day true story of a bride I worked with who was still disappointed in her wedding gown, even after trying on more than 100 dresses.

Partly, it's the Internet to blame: there's always that gnawing sense that, if you just click around enough, you will find that 100% perfect dress. We're all plagued by a chronic sense of dissatisfaction, a sense we could find "the one" — if we just put in more time and effort.

But the Internet's not solely to blame here. Because, it turns out, this bride didn't actually have a dress problem. It was a trusting-herself issue....

Click here to read my full post on Brides.com.

Why Cold Feet Are a Good Thing

4/8/2016

Many brides and grooms experience cold feet. Most write their feelings off to "normal jitters" or "something to white-knuckle through."

In my 14 years' counseling brides and grooms, that's definitely not the approach I take.

Because cold feet are serious, and they do impact the marriage. There's academic data to back this up.

Do you know the data on cold feet before your wedding?

And it's impact on divorce?

How women's cold feet impact the marriage differently from men?

Do you know the stats?

Why Cold Feet Are a Good Thing for Your Marriage

Get the data from the UCLA academic study on cold feet

For the first time, I'm offering my pre-recorded webinar, "Why Cold Feet May Be The Best Thing For Your Marriage."

My 9-minute webinar includes:

Data from the UCLA study
Statistics on how having cold feet during your engagement impacts the likelihood of divorce
Women and cold feet vs. men and cold feet

Plus time-tested strategies from me:

How to work through your feelings of cold feet
The 4 areas you need to address and analyze
The long-term benefits of cold feet

Don't enter your marriage uninformed.
Get instant access to this essential information.

Click here to purchase webinar. Just $9.99.

How I Felt 5 Minutes Before the Ceremony. Brides.com

4/5/2016

Check out my continuing
mini-blog series

Finally, this wedding you planned for months (or years!) is just 5 minutes away. Your guests are seated,your music's playing, and your bridesmaids are making their way up the aisle. How will you feel?
Follow this mini blog series, get to know these brides, and learn about the range of emotions they experienced — so you can get a sense of what you may go through on your big day. Here, the brides share how they felt 5 minutes before their wedding ceremony.
5 minutes before the ceremony, I felt...

Click to read full blog post.

5 Minutes Before Your Wedding Feelings Brides.com Allison Moir-Smith

How I Felt Walking Down The Aisle: My Brides.com Post

3/10/2016

My mini-blog series continues

How 3 brides felt DURING the walk down the aisle.

Your walk down the aisle is the most epic, most photographed, most significant brief walk of your life. How will you feel as you make your way to your soon-to-be husband? You can't predict, but you can learn what three other brides experienced.

Follow this mini blog series, get to know these brides, and learn about the range of emotions they experienced — so you can get a sense of what you may go through on your big day. Here, the brides share how they felt walking down the aisle toward their about-to-be spouse.

Walking down the aisle, I felt...
"I felt so fully myself and completely loved in the moments before and during my walk up the aisle," said Tina from New York City....

Click to read full post.

Engaged, Scared and Anxious: How One Bride Overcame Her Engagement Anxiety

3/4/2016

Here's how one bride worked through her feelings of engagement anxiety

I can tell you how effective bridal counseling can be at dealing with cases of cold feet, engagement depression and engagement anxiety.

But it's far more effective to hear it straight from a bride.

This blog was written by Ashley, author also of Dear Newly Engaged Me: Here's a Laundry List of Things I Wish I'd Known From the Start. Read below about her journey from panicked to peaceful.

How one bride overcame her engagement anxiety

"Eight months before my wedding, I completely freaked out."

"Whenever anyone mentioned the wedding or my fiancé, my throat tightened. I'd get short of breath. My heart raced. I was scared.

Four months earlier, I happily said "yes!" to a wonderful man who understood me inside and out and was perfect on paper.

Before getting engaged, I loved my relationship.

I loved him, felt lucky to be with him, and that we had such a special and magical relationship.

Now, I was no longer attracted to my fiance. I was questioning the whole relationship.

Brides.com: How I Felt 15 Minutes Before The Ceremony

2/22/2016

Check out my mini blog series

Real Brides Share: How I Felt 15 Minutes Before the Ceremony

"We know you spend a not-insignificant amount of time daydreaming, fantasizing, and wondering what it's going to feel like on your wedding day. So we asked three brides to share their emotional play-by-plays of the hours and minutes leading up to — and right after — the wedding.
Follow this mini blog series, get to know these brides, and learn about the range of emotions they experienced — so you can get a sense of what you may go through on your big day. Here, the brides share how they felt 15 minutes before their wedding ceremony.

15 minutes before the ceremony, I felt...
"A little lonely," said Tina from New York City.