Blog - Emotionally Engaged

Why Cold Feet Are a Good Thing

4/8/2016

Many brides and grooms experience cold feet. Most write their feelings off to "normal jitters" or "something to white-knuckle through."

In my 14 years' counseling brides and grooms, that's definitely not the approach I take.

Because cold feet are serious, and they do impact the marriage. There's academic data to back this up.

Do you know the data on cold feet before your wedding?

And it's impact on divorce?

How women's cold feet impact the marriage differently from men?

Do you know the stats?

Why Cold Feet Are a Good Thing for Your Marriage

Get the data from the UCLA academic study on cold feet

For the first time, I'm offering my pre-recorded webinar, "Why Cold Feet May Be The Best Thing For Your Marriage."

My 9-minute webinar includes:

Data from the UCLA study
Statistics on how having cold feet during your engagement impacts the likelihood of divorce
Women and cold feet vs. men and cold feet

Plus time-tested strategies from me:

How to work through your feelings of cold feet
The 4 areas you need to address and analyze
The long-term benefits of cold feet

Don't enter your marriage uninformed.
Get instant access to this essential information.

Click here to purchase webinar. Just $9.99.

How I Felt 5 Minutes Before the Ceremony. Brides.com

4/5/2016

Check out my continuing
mini-blog series

Finally, this wedding you planned for months (or years!) is just 5 minutes away. Your guests are seated,your music's playing, and your bridesmaids are making their way up the aisle. How will you feel?
Follow this mini blog series, get to know these brides, and learn about the range of emotions they experienced — so you can get a sense of what you may go through on your big day. Here, the brides share how they felt 5 minutes before their wedding ceremony.
5 minutes before the ceremony, I felt...

Click to read full blog post.

5 Minutes Before Your Wedding Feelings Brides.com Allison Moir-Smith

How I Felt Walking Down The Aisle: My Brides.com Post

3/10/2016

My mini-blog series continues

How 3 brides felt DURING the walk down the aisle.

Your walk down the aisle is the most epic, most photographed, most significant brief walk of your life. How will you feel as you make your way to your soon-to-be husband? You can't predict, but you can learn what three other brides experienced.

Follow this mini blog series, get to know these brides, and learn about the range of emotions they experienced — so you can get a sense of what you may go through on your big day. Here, the brides share how they felt walking down the aisle toward their about-to-be spouse.

Walking down the aisle, I felt...
"I felt so fully myself and completely loved in the moments before and during my walk up the aisle," said Tina from New York City....

Click to read full post.

Engaged, Scared and Anxious: How One Bride Overcame Her Engagement Anxiety

3/4/2016

Here's how one bride worked through her feelings of engagement anxiety

I can tell you how effective bridal counseling can be at dealing with cases of cold feet, engagement depression and engagement anxiety.

But it's far more effective to hear it straight from a bride.

This blog was written by Ashley, author also of Dear Newly Engaged Me: Here's a Laundry List of Things I Wish I'd Known From the Start. Read below about her journey from panicked to peaceful.

How one bride overcame her engagement anxiety

"Eight months before my wedding, I completely freaked out."

"Whenever anyone mentioned the wedding or my fiancé, my throat tightened. I'd get short of breath. My heart raced. I was scared.

Four months earlier, I happily said "yes!" to a wonderful man who understood me inside and out and was perfect on paper.

Before getting engaged, I loved my relationship.

I loved him, felt lucky to be with him, and that we had such a special and magical relationship.

Now, I was no longer attracted to my fiance. I was questioning the whole relationship.

Brides.com: How I Felt 15 Minutes Before The Ceremony

2/22/2016

Check out my mini blog series

Real Brides Share: How I Felt 15 Minutes Before the Ceremony

"We know you spend a not-insignificant amount of time daydreaming, fantasizing, and wondering what it's going to feel like on your wedding day. So we asked three brides to share their emotional play-by-plays of the hours and minutes leading up to — and right after — the wedding.
Follow this mini blog series, get to know these brides, and learn about the range of emotions they experienced — so you can get a sense of what you may go through on your big day. Here, the brides share how they felt 15 minutes before their wedding ceremony.

15 minutes before the ceremony, I felt...
"A little lonely," said Tina from New York City.

Dear Newly Engaged Me: Here's a laundry list of what I wish I'd known from the start:

2/11/2016

This bride worked with me for 6 months.
She wrote this blog 3 months after her wedding.

Dear Newly Engaged Me:

First, slow down. Enjoy getting engaged. Let it really sink in. Float on Cloud 9 for a while.

Do not listen to everyone who says you must run out and pick a venue a year in advance. It’s simply not true.

Enjoy ring shopping

It’s the best part of the wedding-planning process, because you’re the only one involved.

Your opinion is the only one you’re hearing. It won't always be like that.

Everyone will have an opinion -- simply. everyone. Your boss, co-workers, cashiers at the grocery store, every sales person in the wedding industry. Everyone seems to have opinions about everything.

Educate yourself about what's normal -- but not talked about

Your engagement will be a wild ride, emotionally.

You will be exhausted, emotionally, early on. Be nice to yourself, take a step back, don’t think about the wedding for a while. Take a break, you will need it.

Read and re-read Allison’s book, Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Your Life again and again and watch the Happy Bride's Secret Toolkit videos. Educate yourself on what's normal for brides-to-be to feel, but not talked about.

Let go of any expectations you may have. You won’t be able to anticipate what happens next.

Engagement Advice: Let's Talk About Your Ring!

1/5/2016

Is your ring perfect?

Lucky you! Consider yourself blessed.

Because I often hear from brides (and again, just last week, from a bride in my cottage):

"It's beautiful, but Just Not Me."

"I wish he'd asked me what I wanted."
"It's lovely, but it's not quite right, and that makes me feel terrible."

Let's talk about your engagement ring | Emotionally Engaged

When the ring isn't quite right, some brides are sent down a rabbit hole of anxiety:

Holidays as Bride and Groom: What to Expect

12/15/2015

The holidays are a magical time for engaged couples

You and your fiancé will be the center of attention. You’ll receive gifts, toasts, and good wishes. You’ll have parties thrown for you. You’ll be asked all about your wedding. You’ll feel more in love with your fiancé than you have since he popped the question.

Even better yet: you’ll find yourselves envisioning holidays in years to come, imagining new traditions you’ll start and the children that you’ll share them with.

Holidays as Engaged Couple Emotionally Engaged

Don't be surprised, though, by "blue" Christmas moments

Many brides describe moments of being flooded by an irrational sadness at some point during the holidays

They may occur:

Emotionally Engaged: A Groom's Experience

12/8/2015

After I work with clients, I like to get feedback about our time together. It not only helps me improve my craft, but I like to think it also helps to remind them of how far they have come.

Below are thoughts from a groom I recently worked with -- Nick, an engineer from Sacramento, California.

Yes, you read that correctly -- I work with grooms too! I know guys don't always LOVE asking for help, but there's something to be said for a man that is willing to admit he can't do everything alone ... That's our kind of guy: cue the applause!

Before I contacted Allison, I felt overwhelmed.

Unable to deal with the the complexities of both my changing situations and the emotions that went along with them.

My analytical brain was on overdrive, and I knew I wasn't in a good place. I knew I had found the woman I wanted to marry, but I was unsure of whether I could go through with it.

How could I be absolutely sure I was doing the right thing?

Happy Engaged Thanksgiving! 5 Psychological Tips to Set You Up for Success

11/24/2015

Where are you spending Thanksgiving this year? With your family, or with your fiance's?

In this 2-minute video, I offer up 5 tips that will set you both up for a Happy Thanksgiving.

From clarifying expectations and respecting family cultures to taking time for yourself, individually and as a couple, these 5 tips will set you up for a successful day, whether it's his family's turkey or yours.

You may want to share the video with your fiance, so he can set himself up for success with your family, too.

Forward to your best girlfriends. Married women who've seen this video have told me, "I wish I had this information at the beginning of my marriage!"

Do you have any advice or tips you want to share with other brides? Please comment below.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!