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Wedding Day Jitters: Check out Sunday New York Times article

3/26/2017

Worried you'll have jitters on your wedding day?

Then read this piece in today's New York Times by Alyson Kreuger: Got Wedding Jitters? Take a Hike (or Grab Your Blankie).

Great stories of how brides cope on their wedding days, and expert advice.

I'm thrilled to be included!

A Groom's Report: 32-year-old Kyle works through cold feet

3/24/2017

"When I got engaged, I was sure I was making the right decision.

However, a few nagging thoughts escalated in the months between the engagement and the wedding.

Fixating on those thoughts eventually put me in a place where my anxiety and fear made me question my relationship.

I worried that I'd have to spend a little time every day in my marriage being sad.

Is Your Engagement Emotionally Intelligent? WATCH CLIPS

3/23/2017

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Watch clips from my video series for brides-to-be

Make your engagement emotionally intelligent

Watch More Clips

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From Brides.com: How Do You REALLY Feel About Your Engagement Ring?

12/31/2016

For all you newly engaged brides out there, my Dec 26 post on Brides.com:

Do you love it? Did he nail it?

Lucky you!

We’re happy for you that your engagement ring hasn’t created any strife or stress.

Not all brides are so enthused.

Some are lukewarm about their rings; it’s a few degrees off from what they would have chosen for themselves.

Some are embarrassed by the size of the diamond, be it too big or too small.

Some are angry and hurt, because their guy completely missed the mark.

Brides.com: Just Engaged? Do These 3 Things Before You Start Wedding Planning

11/30/2016

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Here's today's post from Brides.com:

Rare is life as sweet as the first hours, days, and weeks of being engaged. Our advice? Prolong that lovely period for as long as possible

How to prolong it?

Easy: do not – we repeat – do not get into the nitty-gritty of wedding planning right away. Why? Because as soon as you start making real, actual plans, you’ll face the pressures of sticker shock and other people’s opinions. We want to help you postpone these complicating realities, since you’ll be living in them for many months to come. Just sayin’.

Don’t get stuck in the weeds of wedding planning. Do these 3 fun things to prolong the sweetness of this time:

1. Tell everyone, together.

Don’t text your engagement news or post it on Facebook.

Instead, you and your fiancé meet with important family and friends to share your news.

Or at least make a phone call with both of you on the line.

Contrast how different you’ll feel by getting a lot of Facebook “likes,” “OMG!” and “Congrats” responses versus hearing friends’ excited screams at your announcement, feeling their happy hugs, accepting their heartfelt congratulations, drinking their celebratory Champagne, and sharing your joy.

The latter sure sounds like a lot more fun and will create a lasting lifelong memory, marking the beginning of your engagement. Now that, we “like”!

2. Fantasize about your wedding.

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From "fetal position" to the happiest wedding day: One bride's very successful bridal counseling experience

10/21/2016

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Here's the very successful story of Erin, a 27-year-old bride-to-be, who I helped get married this summer.

Do you see yourself in her story?

Before meeting with Allison, I felt terrified, isolated, and confused.

I was so scared that what I was feeling wasn't "normal."

Scared that seeing Allison meant I had somehow failed at being a bride-to-be.

Scared that I was making the wrong decision in choosing to marry my fiancé.

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Brides.com: Daughter-In-Law 101: Tips for Joining Your New Family

9/29/2016

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I'm happy to share today's post from Brides.com!

Read on....

You've known your partner's family for a while now. Love 'em or leave 'em, becoming a part of his or her family requires a different, more flexible and more patient mindset. For all the brides-to-be who are about to become daughter-in-laws, here are some tips and things to remember to seamlessly becoming a part of your new family.

1. You are a stranger in a strange land.
Think of your time with your new in-laws as if you're traveling to a foreign country. His family's traditions and customs will be different from your family's. Have respect and remember that they've functioned perfectly well for generations their way. Don't go in guns-blazing to try to make them more like yours.

2. They speak a foreign language.
You may all be speaking English, but as a newcomer, you can't know the subtext of what's going on in a conversation: the meaning, intent, and history behind the words spoken are unknown to you. Don't assume you understand the deep meaning of your father-in-law's "Hmmm, that's interesting."

3. They have different body language, too. When your mom looks at you askance, you know exactly what she's getting across. Your MIL? You haven't a clue what her raised eyebrow means. Don't assume it's the same message as your mom's raised eyebrow.

4. Let your spouse be your tour guide.
After a lifetime of living with them, your partner can read the situation, the mood, and the nuance far better than you'll ever be able to. For example if your partner says, "Hey, let's not push this point right now," or if he or she lets you know that showing up even just 15 minutes late to dinner with your in-laws is not cool, take the advice and adjust your behavior. If you're in doubt about what is going on, ask your partner to explain.

5. Let your partner take the lead.
It's best to have your fiancé make the plans with your in-laws and lead the difficult or delicate conversations with his parents. Weekly phone calls to say hello can be a great way to encourage a relationship (and all you have to do is just pop on for a quick "hi"). Conversely, you can take the lead with your family, so that it feels equal and balanced.

Allison Moir-Smith is an author and bridal counselor who specializes in engagement anxiety and cold feet.

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How to Stay Close to Your Single Girlfriends While Planning Your Wedding: Refinery 29

7/27/2016

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I'm happy to be included in this post on Refinery 29 by Natalie Gontcharova about ways to reduce wedding stress.

My advice on Slide 7 may seem harsh, but I think it's apt and useful to keep in mind, so you can keep your most important single girlfriends close and in your life, even as you plan your wedding:

It's important to spend time with friends and family outside of wedding-related events, too.

And be careful about when (and how often) you discuss wedding planning. “Shut up about your wedding,” says Moir-Smith. (Love it.)

“Especially with your single girlfriends; they don’t want to hear it.

I [got married when I was 35, so I] spent 12, 14, years in New York having to hear about friends’ weddings. Be very selective who you’re talking to and how you’re talking to them about it.

Your single girlfriends — be incredibly sensitive to the impact. It [can be] triggering stuff for them, whether they acknowledge it or even know it. Be interested in them. They have lives going on.”

View the full slideshow here, including "Just Say No To The Wedding Industry" and "Find Your Solo Bliss"

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Brides.com: The True Story of the Bride Who Tried on 100 Dresses

5/6/2016

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So, how many gowns have you tried on?

My post this week on Brides.com:

There once was a bride,
Wouldn't couldn't be satisfied.
Even after trying on 100 dresses.

Sounds an old-timey limerick or haiku, doesn't it?
Sadly, it isn't: it's the very modern-day true story of a bride I worked with who was still disappointed in her wedding gown, even after trying on more than 100 dresses.

Partly, it's the Internet to blame: there's always that gnawing sense that, if you just click around enough, you will find that 100% perfect dress. We're all plagued by a chronic sense of dissatisfaction, a sense we could find "the one" — if we just put in more time and effort.

But the Internet's not solely to blame here. Because, it turns out, this bride didn't actually have a dress problem. It was a trusting-herself issue....

Click here to read my full post on Brides.com.

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Why Cold Feet Are a Good Thing

4/8/2016

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Many brides and grooms experience cold feet. Most write their feelings off to "normal jitters" or "something to white-knuckle through."

In my 14 years' counseling brides and grooms, that's definitely not the approach I take.

Because cold feet are serious, and they do impact the marriage. There's academic data to back this up.

Do you know the data on cold feet before your wedding?

And it's impact on divorce?

How women's cold feet impact the marriage differently from men?

Do you know the stats?

Why Cold Feet Are a Good Thing for Your Marriage

Get the data from the UCLA academic study on cold feet

For the first time, I'm offering my pre-recorded webinar, "Why Cold Feet May Be The Best Thing For Your Marriage."

My 9-minute webinar includes:

Data from the UCLA study
Statistics on how having cold feet during your engagement impacts the likelihood of divorce
Women and cold feet vs. men and cold feet

Plus time-tested strategies from me:

How to work through your feelings of cold feet
The 4 areas you need to address and analyze
The long-term benefits of cold feet

Don't enter your marriage uninformed.
Get instant access to this essential information.

Click here to purchase webinar. Just $9.99.

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<<Previous

Forward>>

Wedding Day Jitters: Check out Sunday New York Times article

A Groom's Report: 32-year-old Kyle works through cold feet

"When I got engaged, I was sure I was making the right decision.

Is Your Engagement Emotionally Intelligent? WATCH CLIPS

Watch clips from my video series for brides-to-be

Make your engagement emotionally intelligent

From Brides.com: How Do You REALLY Feel About Your Engagement Ring?

Do you love it? Did he nail it?

Not all brides are so enthused.

Brides.com: Just Engaged? Do These 3 Things Before You Start Wedding Planning

Rare is life as sweet as the first hours, days, and weeks of being engaged. Our advice? Prolong that lovely period for as long as possible

1. Tell everyone, together.

2. Fantasize about your wedding.

From "fetal position" to the happiest wedding day: One bride's very successful bridal counseling experience

Before meeting with Allison, I felt terrified, isolated, and confused.

Brides.com: Daughter-In-Law 101: Tips for Joining Your New Family

How to Stay Close to Your Single Girlfriends While Planning Your Wedding: Refinery 29

Brides.com: The True Story of the Bride Who Tried on 100 Dresses

So, how many gowns have you tried on?

Why Cold Feet Are a Good Thing

Do you know the data on cold feet before your wedding?

Get the data from the UCLA academic study on cold feet

Don't enter your marriage uninformed.
Get instant access to this essential information.

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"When I got engaged, I was sure I was making the right decision.

Watch clips from my video series for brides-to-be

Make your engagement emotionally intelligent

Do you love it? Did he nail it?

Not all brides are so enthused.

Rare is life as sweet as the first hours, days, and weeks of being engaged. Our advice? Prolong that lovely period for as long as possible

1. Tell everyone, together.

2. Fantasize about your wedding.

Before meeting with Allison, I felt terrified, isolated, and confused.

So, how many gowns have you tried on?

Do you know the data on cold feet before your wedding?

Get the data from the UCLA academic study on cold feet

Don't enter your marriage uninformed.​Get instant access to this essential information.

Blog Categories

Archives

Don't enter your marriage uninformed.
Get instant access to this essential information.