During your engagement, you evaluate your fiance and the relationship all over again. with even more intensity.
"I know in my bones that I want to marry Dan, and I said yes without hesitation," Erica told me.
"But I'm finding myself being hypercritical of him -and sometimes even second-guessing my decision to marry him."
Why would a bride -- a happy bride, even -- do that?
Now that he's about to become your husband, a future with your fiance has become very real, and you're (understandably) looking at him with a more critical eye.
You take note of the good (how caring, loving, expressive, generous, big-hearted, sexy, great with kids, compassionate, [insert your fiance's fab qualities here]), the bad (his aggressive driving and lead foot, the way he runs when his mommy calls), and the ugly.
As Suzanne Finnamore wrote in her novel about a bride-to-be, Otherwise Engaged, "Michael leaves his socks on the floor when he takes off his shoes after work. This used to be fine. But now a sock on the floor isn't just a sock on the floor. It's a sock on the floor for the rest of my life."
Brides-to-be often blow these nitpicky moments way out of proportion. They're quick to assume that if they're having these thoughts, it must mean that they have cold feet about getting married.
But that's not always true.
Agreeing to marry your fiance -- even as enthusiastically, excitedly, and joyfully as you did -- in fact initiates another evaluation process.
Yes, chances are you're absolutely going to marry him and you're going to have a great life together, but right now, during your engagement, you're still in a thinking-feeling-exploring process.
So it's normal to put your relationship under the microscope all over again.
Think of it this way: each time you dissect and analyze your fiance and your relationship and you STILL want to marry him, you're recommitting yourself to the marriage again.
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