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Walking Down the Aisle
”Don't be nervous,” the wedding coordinator
will say, followed by the minister, your father, your sister, your
maid-of-honor, and your flowergirl.
Are they NUTS?
Are they the ones wearing a big, white dress? Are they about to
make a lifelong commitment? In front of everyone they love? With all eyes on
them?
"Don't be nervous" -- I think
not.
I believe that anyone who tells a bride not to be
nervous during the walk down the aisle is WRONG WRONG WRONG. Here are many
reasons why:
·
It is one of the Big Moments of life.
·
It is a grand entrance.
·
It is silent.
·
It is ceremonial -- guests stand in
your honor.
·
It is transformative: it marks the
ending of one life and the beginning of another.
·
It is sad -- just look at your Dad.
·
It is happy-- just look at your
husband-to-be.
·
It is epic and ancient -- think of the
millions of brides through the ages who have walked this walk before you.
·
It is the most photographed walk of
your life.
·
It is life-changing and profound.
Tension is supposed to
build
Even architecturally, the aisle acts as a funnel:
taking the big feelings and funneling them into a smaller space, thereby turning
up the emotional heat.
Solution: invite the nervousness
What to do? Invite the nervousness and tension to
accompany you during your walk. It worked for me and my wedding party.
Before we walked down the aisle, I gathered my girls
in a huddle and said, "Listen, we're supposed to be nervous. I am about change
my life in a huge way, and you guys are picking up on my feelings. Plus,
walking alone, with all eyes on you -- that's stressful! So it's appropriate to
be nervous. Don't fight it."
The quartet began, and they walked down the aisle, a
meandering, curvy path cut in a field of tall grass. (They did just fine: each
later told me the walk was long and intense but beautiful.)
My Dad -- who, my older sisters reported, tends to
chat down the aisle -- even succumbed to the nervousness and big feelings.
"How are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm sad and happy. Sad I'm losing you and happy
I'm gaining a new son-in-law." It was exactly how I was feeling -- and had been
feeling for much of my engagement. We had a real and lovely connection.
As we reached the entrance to the field, we saw that
guests were standing.
"Oh my God," I panicked. "Did I not order enough
chairs?"
"No, honey," he said. "They're standing for us."
We laughed, holding each other calmly and warmly
down the meandering path to where Jason, weepy-eyed and moved, was waiting for
me.
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