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Don't Be
A Bridezilla On Your Wedding Day!
10 Expert
Tips
Want to avoid
awakening the Bridezilla in you on your wedding day?
Then consider
these 10 tips.
1. Plan on
being overwhelmed.
No matter how checked-off your to-do list is, overwhelm is unavoidable
on your wedding day. Your wedding is nothing short of life-changing.
You won’t be able to predict your emotional state that day, so prepare
for lots of feelings, all at once. You can plan to be peaceful and calm,
but you may be hyper and giddy, sad and weepy, scared and lonely, angry
and fidgety. Or all of the above, all at once. And that will equal
overwhelm.
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Allison Moir-Smith
Bridal Counselor and
Author of Emotionally Engaged
(Feb. 2006: Hudson St. Press) |
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2. Diminish the effects of Bride Brain.
In your non-wedding life, how do you react under extreme stress? Do you
get weepy? Helpless? Neurotic? Angry? Clumsy? Obsessive?
Forgetful? On your wedding day, these reactions will only be magnified
– big time. If you get clumsy when nervous, stay away from glass and
sharp objects. Don't drive. (No kidding!) Are you forgetful? Assume
you can't complete even one simple task. Delegate. Do you lash out? If so, truthfully acknowledge this about
yourself. What steps can you take to prevent bad bride behavior?
3. Enlist one solid girlfriend.
I tell each bride who takes my workshops that it's essential to have a
solid, grounded girlfriend at her side on her wedding day. Not a
mother. Not a sister. A girlfriend. Why?
Your girlfriend isn't caught up in your family drama.
She intuitively knows how best to take care of you. She protects
you from stupid questions and stupid people. She knows when you
need her to be quiet, and when you need her to talk. A girlfriend puts
herself second on your wedding day, so she can be there for you 100%.
4. Practice being overwhelmed.
Yes, practice. At your bridal shower, when you are the center of
attention, notice your behavior and inner emotional reactions. Do you
like who you are and how you behave? Or not? Now, imagine turning up
the heat on those feelings by 100 degrees, and you'll get an
approximation of how you may feel on your wedding day. If
necessary, figure out how you can behave in a way that makes you happy
and proud of yourself.
5. Connect with your fiancé. Each
day of your wedding weekend, steal time away to deeply connect with each
other. Focus. Gaze into each other's eyes. Feel your
love. All the wedding hoopla is about your union, so feel united! (I
say this because I don't want anyone to be like one newlywed I recently
counseled. She felt so disconnected from her brand new husband that
during their first dance she "faked being happy." So, so sad.)
6. Allow your wedding to take on a life of its
own. Do your planning, but when the Big Day arrives,
let your wedding be what it wants to be. A major life event like this
will have its own personality, rhythm, and soul. These magical,
intangible elements can't be planned to death; they happen. Make room.
7. Let go of perfectionism and be delighted by
spontaneity. My fiancé and I gave our DJ a very strict list
of "Play" and "DO NOT PLAY" songs. As we went to cut the cake, a drippy
solo saxophone began warbling. "Did we ask for this?" my new
husband asked. "Oh my God, is that Kenny G???" I gasped. Stunned and
slightly embarrassed, I started marching across the dance floor to
unplug the sound system. But my husband stopped me, and we went on to
cut the cake, laughing at the ridiculous "not-us" cheeziness of the
music. Today, the photos and the memories of that
Kenny G moment are some of our most treasured, charming, and beloved.
We could never have planned it that way. Never.
8. Be emotionally connected to yourself.
A bride in one of my The Emotions of Being Engaged workshop said, "I
know I won't really be able to visit with my guests. I'm going to tell
them, 'See you Sunday, when it's over.'" I completely disagreed with
her. I believe that if you are emotionally connected to yourself, then
you will be able to authentically connect with your guests. Your
interactions -- even the very brief ones -- will be true and real, and
your guests will feel connected to (and visited by) you.
9. Create an image of the bride you want to
be. Before your wedding, take some time to reflect and ask
yourself, “What kind of bride to I want to be?” List adjectives,
attributes, and behaviors. Is being serene of utmost importance? Or
is having a rowdy, fun time? For me, being emotionally authentic was
paramount. I wanted to fully experience all the emotions -- even the
difficult ones -- of that intense day of my life. And I did. I cried
and felt deep sadness about leaving my life as a single woman; I felt
fear and anxiety about leaving my family and leaping into the unknown
that is marriage; and I felt sheer, unadulterated joy. Feelings at full
throttle – just what I wanted. Ask yourself, what kind of bride do you
want to be? What can you do to make that happen? Begin to imagine it
now.
10. Be
the bride you want to be.
Will the Bridezilla awaken in you? Or not? It’s your choice. Make
yourself proud and make yourself happy. Be the bride you want to be.
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