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How To Keep Your Single Girlfriends
Close
Many brides are confused by the instant distance that comes between
them and their single girlfriends when they get engaged. In workshops, I’ve
heard brides say:
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“My friends aren’t very interested in hearing
about my wedding. That hurts.”
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“I’m afraid of talking about how happy I am --
afraid it’ll hurt their feelings.”
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“I’m not feeling close to them. I don’t know what
to say…or if I should say anything at all.”
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“It’s too complicated to deal with my single
friends, and it’s easier to spend time with new friends I’ve made on wedding
websites.”
Why is there distance
between a bride and her single girlfriends?
Because weddings hurt.
Think back to a time when a close friend got engaged. Yes, you were happy for
her. But her engagement prompted you to assess your own life.
You saw, perhaps, how the relationship you were in
was light-years away from marriage. Or you felt anxious about never
getting married. Or you felt embarrassed about your single status.
Yet you put on a happy face for your friend. But
inside, you felt awful.
To protect themselves,
many single women build a wall between themselves and the bride.
The result:
both the bride and her friend are hurting, lonely, confused, and probably angry
at the other.
It’s up to you, the bride,
to initiate a real conversation with your closest friends. To
share how you’re feeling – that you’re missing them, and that you feel the
distance.
And to acknowledge how your getting married might be
rough on them.
You can say something like: “I remember how hard it
was for me when Stacy got married 3 years ago. I was jealous, sad, angry,
scared. Being single at the wedding was really hard. I’ve been thinking about
you a lot since I got engaged, knowing how I felt about Stacy’s wedding.”
Whether or not your friend
shares how she’s doing, she will definitely feel taken care of by
you. She’ll see how important she is to you, and how much you value her
feelings and your friendship.
By being real with her, the gap between you will
close. By acknowledging that your getting married might be hard for your
friends, you’ll have your “girls” close by your side again.
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