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Why it may be healthy to obsess about your wedding

1/18/2013

1 Comment

 
Some brides really struggle with the idea that, all of a sudden, once engaged, they become a bit obsessed with planning their weddings.  

"I'm a pretty serious person, with a serious job as an attorney," bride-to-be Erica told me.  "But not only do I love thinking about my wedding, it's almost as if I can't focus on much else."

My advice? Give in to it, Erica. 

Allowing your wedding planning to take over your life can actually be beneficial in helping you make the transition from single to married.  

"Before I got engaged," Erica continued, "I'd laugh at and ridicule my friends who were obsessed with their weddings.  But now, I get it.  I think about and talk about my wedding all the time. I just can't help it!"

What if Erica stopped worrying and judging and gave herself over to where she is?

Because being engrossed with your wedding can be psychologically and emotionally healthy, if you can find the metaphors in all the detailed work you are doing.

For example, trying on dress after dress helps you become comfortable in your new skin as a bride.

Tweaking your online registry -- 10 place settings? 12? 10? -- helps you imagine your new married home, life, and china closet.

Finding the perfect placecards helps you wrap your brain around the fact that all your friends and family will be gathered in one place to celebrate your marriage.

All the work you put into your wedding -- the countless hours, the flipping through magazines, the dreaming, the scheming, the tasting, the trying on, the making lists, the making calls -- helps you process and integrate the identity changes that will occur on your wedding day.

Every wedding detail -- when you think of it metaphorically -- can facilitate your transition from single to married.

So go ahead: be obsessed with your wedding if you want to be.  Just bring a psychological awareness to your obsession.  Find the bigger picture and the metaphor in the puff pastries.

Want to figure out the meaning in your obsession?Contact me for a free 15-minute consultation

Allison Moir-Smith
1 Comment

"Love My Marriage, Hated My Engagement": Emotionally Engaged in xoJane.com

1/4/2013

2 Comments

 
You have got to read this piece by Anna Latimer!  She really tells it like it is:
I was recently engaged for 14 months. During that time, I learned a secret they never tell you on StyleMePretty: engagements fucking suck. They’re also joyful and fun, but there’s a lot more suck involved than you’d expect.
Direct, right?

But she's struck a chord on the xojane.com website: a phenomenal 179 comments posted in less than 24 hours....and counting.

And that's because she writes -- straightforwardly and hilariously -- about the emotional work of being engaged:
Engagement is a time of monumental transition. You’re redefining your relationship not just with your fiancé, but also with your family, your friends, yourself, your personal space, your dreams and ambitions -- everything. 

Whoever can face such profound change without at least a twinge of anxiety and grief, please tell me what drug you’re on, because I want some. 
I'm delighted that my book offered Anna some comfort and context during her engagement.  But even happier to have her in blowing the lid off the myth and stereotype that engagements are only easy, happy, wedding-planning times.

She gets the message through -- loud and clear -- that there is much important emotional work to do during your engagement, too.

The title of the piece?  "I Love My Marriage, But Hated My Engagement."
Allison Moir-Smith

Hating your engagement?Contact me for a free 15-minute consultation

2 Comments

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