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Emotionally Engaged Pregnancy

3/25/2013

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Another nice note from a (former) bride, who was married last spring:
Hi Allison,

I have some big news - I'm about 13 weeks pregnant!

My husband and I have been talking about your book a lot recently, particularly right after we found out. 

We talked mostly about the part where it says that it's okay to be happy, excited and confident that the next step is going to be a good one, but still sad to leave the current stage.  

I hadn't thought about it that way so it made me feel a little less guilty about not feeling completely excited 100% of the time.

Funny how easy it is to forget that it's okay to have more than one emotion at the same time.

So thank you - even though it isn't your book's target life change, it was still very helpful!
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I'm delighted to hear about this pregnancy.  And delighted, too, that the emotional skills that this couple learned while reading my book during their engagement -- of embracing the complexity of life, of tolerating having 2 contradicting emotions at the same time -- have helped ease this transition, too.

This is exactly what I mean when I say that bridal counseling can be life-changing: it offers a whole new perspective on life.

Congratulations to this couple on this exciting -- and scary and sad and and and -- news.

Want to learn these same emotional skills and be prepared for your wedding, marriage and all that life brings? 
Contact me for a free 15-minute video consultation now.

Allison Moir-Smith
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Nervous About Walking Down the Aisle? Here's Why

3/20/2013

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You've imagined walking down the aisle, right?

What happens when you share with someone that you might feel just a wee bit nervous about it?  

"Don't be nervous," says your wedding coordinator. Your minister.  Your mother. Your sister. Your maid-of-honor. Your flower girl.

Don't be nervous? Yeah, right.

Are they the ones wearing the big white dress, all eyes on her, about to make a lifelong commitment?

Don't be nervous?  I think not.

I believe that anyone who tells a bride not to be nervous during the walk down the aisle is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

Here are many reasons why:

  • It is one of the Big Moments of life.
  • It is a grand entrance.
  • It is silent.
  • It is ceremonial -- guests stand to honor you.
  • It is transformative -- it marks the ending of one life and the beginning of another.
  • It is sad -- just look at your Dad.
  • It is happy -- just look at your husband-to-be.
  • It is epic and ancient -- think of the millions of brides through the ages who have walked this walk before you.
  • It is the most photographed walk of your life.
  • It is life-changing and profound

But what's a bride-to-be supposed to do with all these normal, natural nerves on her wedding day?
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Join me for Bride 101: Emotional Prep for Your Wedding Day, and you'll be able to handle your emotions on your wedding day. 

I'll teach you the skills and techniques you need to know, so you can make that walk down the aisle with calm, grace, joy and emotional connectedness.  Join me -- in-person or on the phone -- at this fun & fascinating afternoon workshop to learn what I've been teaching brides for 10 years that will help you prepare emotionally & mentally for Your Big Day.

Get my 10 Essential Wedding Day Tips that will help you stay calm & grounded amidst all the excitement. So you can be the happy, calm & joyful bride you want to be.

Can't make it to Manchester-by-the-Sea, Mass., for the April 13 workshop?  No problem!

Join me Sunday, April 14 from 2-4pm, for a LIVE WEBINAR from the comfort of your own home.  Click here to register. Early-bird registration (20% off) ends March 27.

For more information, visit my website or drop me an email.  

Thanks for letting me help you prepare emotionally for your Big Day.
Allison Moir-Smith
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A Note From A Happy Bride

3/4/2013

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I'm always so touched when a busy bride takes the time to write me a note.
Here's what I received from Jennifer over the weekend:

I received your book in the mail and haven't been able to put it down since. It's been so reassuring that other people have not only had similar experiences, but they've conquered them and flourished because of them. Thank you for showing me I'm not alone!

I'll keep you posted on how the rest of the engagement works out, but since I finished your book, I really do feel like I've turned a corner and have been a lot happier.
Thanks, Jennifer!

Want to turn the corner and feel happier too?
Contact me for a free 15-minute consultation now.

Allison Moir-Smith
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3 Simple Things to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

3/1/2013

1 Comment

 
I know that you and your fiance are busy, busy, busy.

You've got two demanding jobs, two families who want your time, two sets of friends you're bringing together.

Your relationship is going through a lot of big and exciting changes.And, oh yes, you are planning a wedding together. You guys have  LOT on your plate.  

What's really important right now -- and always, in a marriage -- is staying connected and nurturing your relationship.  Even amidst all the hubbubb and to-dos.

Here are 3 very simple things you can do:

1. Pop That Champagne Cork.  Don't let that beautiful orange bottle of Veuve Cliquot sit on ice, waiting for a special occasion. Research shows that couples who regularly celebrate the good times have higher levels of commitment to each other, intimacy, trust, and relationship satisfaction.  Did you decide on a wedding venue? Did a meeting at work go well? Get a new car? Close on a house?  Get a raise? Book the DJ? Celebrate together, even the little things.

2.  Increase The Nice By 5.  You and your fiance have hundreds of emotional interactions every day.  It's not humanly possible for all of them to be perfectly sweet. Take note of those little lapses -- when you are mean, snide, dismissive, critical, defensive, withholding or worst of all, when you roll your eyes at him.  For every not-so-nice moment, research shows that you must have 5 positive interactions to compensate.  A kiss for no reason.  "You look handsome in that color."  A hug.  In stable marriages, there are at least 5 times more positive interactions than negative ones.  Keep this 5:1 ratio in mind, and increase the nice by 5 after the nasty.

3. Just Do It. Maybe you're both really stressed out with work and the wedding. Maybe you've been together for a long time and that stay-in-bed-all-weekend phase is ancient history.  It's normal for sex to become less of a priority for couples. But research shows that after 5 minutes of even "going through the motions", the powerful bonding chemicals vasopressin and oxytocin are released, and you're likely to start enjoying yourself. Regular sex improves your mood, makes you more patient, damps down anger, and leads to a better, more contented relationship.  So, don't think about it: just do it! 

So simple, right? 

Don't you think every couple you know would benefit from learning about these 3 simple things?

Will you share this article with your friends? 

Warmly,
Allison

PS Research cited here is from 2 books on marriage that I wholeheartedly recommend: For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage by Tara Parker-Pope and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman.

Contact me for a free 15-minute consultation

Allison Moir-Smith
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