Dear Newly Engaged Me: COVID Edition

Here's a post written by a bride-to-be who was engaged throughout COVID.

This is what she would tell her Newly Engaged Self, if she knew what she knew now.

She wrote this for you, and she hopes it helps.

​She's getting married this month, April 2021.

Dear Newly Engaged Me: 

Prior to getting engaged, I assumed it would truly be the most magical, blissful day of my life.

I pictured the giddy feelings that I felt early on in my relationship would return, and I would feel so much peace knowing I had found “The One.”

Although my boyfriend and I had been together for 5 years, living together for one, and I had been sending him ring pictures for 6 months at this point....

I was still absolutely shocked when I saw him on one knee during our vacation in Thailand.

We had talked a lot about marriage and how we knew we wanted to be together forever often up until that point.

​But for me -- nothing could have prepared me for the feeling of someone all of a sudden asking me to promise the rest of my entire life to them FOREVER and having all of 5 seconds to respond with a confident and excited “YES!” I did say yes, and 

I did feel bits of excitement, but the overwhelming feeling almost instantly was fear.

 Am I ready to be a wife?

How do I KNOW that this is THE ONE for me?

What if I make the wrong decision?

Why am I feeling scared when everything I had seen from family, friends, social media, and the media has told me an engaged woman should be floating on cloud 9?

​​These questions didn’t leave my mind and made me physically ill for months.

I physically could not talk about anything engagement or wedding related without crying. 

The longer this went on, the longer I fixated on the question “if this was the right decision, then why am I feeling like this?”

After many nights spent Googling for guidance, I am so happy I found Emotionally Engaged and started working with Allison. 

That was the first time I felt like I wasn’t alone and that it can actually be really normal to be scared about making the biggest commitment and decision that you will ever make. ​

If I could go back to the day of my engagement and tell myself anything to prevent the 6 months of crying ahead of me it would be this:

1.  Do not compare your feelings or experience with engagement with anyone else’s. ​

Being a blissful bride is NOT a requirement to have a happy marriage.

​And ​emotionally struggling through your entire engagement does NOT mean you are doomed for divorce or making a mistake.
​

2. Do not make any big decisions out of fear, panic, or emotional distress. ​

There were so many times during the worst of my engagement anxiety that I thought I had no choice but to not move forward with the engagement because I felt so uneasy.

I just didn’t see how I was possibly EVER going to pick out a venue without crying, much less enjoy my wedding day.

As I sit here now -- a year later and one month away from my wedding -- I have smiled and laughed through wedding showers, tried on 50+ dresses because my mom and I were having so much fun, practiced my first dance with my fiancé in my kitchen, and I am so thankful I didn’t let unresolved fear/panic cause me to make a decision I would have regretted. 

3. Find someone you can talk to. ​

Being a sad/anxious bride can be a very isolating feeling.

I was terrified to be honest about how I was feeling with even my closest friends because I was scared they wouldn’t understand.

I was scared they would say “doubt means don’t.”

Once I found Allison, I could finally be honest with someone about everything I was feeling.

​Every time we talked it felt like I was carrying around one less 10 pound brick on my chest until finally I felt light enough to enjoy being engaged and could look forward to my wedding and marriage. 

I got engaged only a month before the world went into lockdown due to COVID-19. 

My fiancé and I both began working from home and have now been working from home together for over a year.

Being with someone literally 24/7 is hard.

Having prior routines/traditions suddenly halted is hard.

Feeling the daily fear of you and your families health and safety is hard.

Trying to plan a wedding during a time when gathering and touching is frowned upon/forbidden is FREAKING HARD.

​Give yourself extra grace.

Grieve this period in your life looking so much different than you had dreamed up.

I still have random moments where the magnitude of commitment of marriage will slap me in the face and I feel a little nervous, but I am so happy to say those moments are now rare and short lived.

After working with Allison I feel hopeful, understood, calm, and confident knowing that I am making a wise and loving decision.

I hope this letter helps anyone who felt like I did after getting engaged to know that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to go through the experience of being engaged. -- Blake.