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Book to Blog, Chapter 5: From "Me" to "We" -- The Private Lives of Engaged Couples

8/29/2014

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Chapter 5 of Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life addresses the fact that once your big day arrives, you are officially a ‘We’ instead of a ‘Me’. And that, for any bride, can be hard to swallow.

Although engagements bring excitement, gifts, and endless parties ... there is a lot going on behind closed doors for engaged couples.

  • How do we deal with our differences? 
  • Will he judge me when my flaws are exposed? 
  • Do we even know how to be married?
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These are big questions that most couples face and work through during their engagements....privately. Intimately.  Behind closed doors. 

Below I have included a portion of the chapter that hones in on some of the differences that can emerge.

Dueling through differences

Even couples who think they’ve covered all the essential topics before getting engaged are often broadsided by the differences that emerge once the “rest of my life” soundtrack switches on. 

She’s a huge environmentalist; he’s not really that passionate about recycling. 

He feels a much greater pull to his Jewish roots than he expected; she thought he was "spiritual but not religious." 

He likes crunchy peanut butter; she likes creamy. 

During your engagement, you may discover opinions, 
habits, or values that you hadn’t seen before 

The fact is, whoever you marry will be very different from you. 

You can either accept who he is, and learn how to live with your differences, or you can argue your point until you’re blue in the fact about the rightness or wrongness of black leather furniture. 

In short, you can choose to keep fighting about a problem that has no solution, or you can learn how to live with your differences. 

Click here to find out more of what Chapter 5 holds!

Please share your thoughts in the comments below, and stay tuned for next week’s installment of ‘Book to Blog’ – Chapter 6!
Allison Moir-Smith
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Book to Blog, Chapter 4:  A Family Affair -- Leaving Home for Good

8/22/2014

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Emotionally Engaged Book to Blog Chapter 4
Chapter 4 dives into the concept of family, and how certain roles and relationships may be altered during the length of the engagement, and ultimately in married life. 

From the mothers who insist on taking on the wedding-planning-role, to siblings refusing to build a relationship with the fiancé – it can be a hectic, overwhelming time.

I share stories of brides who each had different experiences, but all eventually had to face what was really going on beneath the surface.

Below I have included a portion of Maria’s story.

With only five months until her 
wedding, Maria only had one thing nailed down: her dress

Somewhere between getting engaged, and desperately trying to keep playing her role of the peacemaker of the family, Maria forgot about one person – herself. 

Letting go of your family role

We all play roles within our families of origin; fulfilling our family's needs is one way we get love and attention.

In Maria’s warring family, for example, someone needed to play the role of peacemaker. Her parents and siblings obviously couldn’t do it, since they were combatants, so she was inevitably cast in the part. 

Playing that role fulfilled both her need to feel appreciated by each family member and her family’s need for a calming presence....

Getting married is one of those times when it is necessary to shed some of your old ways

So that you can embrace new ways of being. 

Maria, for example, wanted to be fully and wholeheartedly married to Jeff. She wanted to expand her self-image to include the role of wife.  

She wanted to de-emphasize her role as peacemaker

She would always be there for her family in some capacity to offer them love and support, but she was tired of refereeing squabbles and ready to live more for herself and her husband-to-be.

She wanted to devote time to building her new, married life and the foundation of her new family

This required a major change not only in her perspective, but in her behavior as well.

Click here to find out more of what Chapter 4 holds!

Please share your thoughts in the comments below, and stay tuned for next week’s installment of ‘Book to Blog’ – Chapter 5!
Allison Moir-Smith
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Book to Blog, Chapter 3:  The Last First Kiss -- Grieving the End of Your Single Life 

8/14/2014

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Grieving the End of Your Single Life, Emotionally Engaged Chapter 2
In chapter three I address the emotions that surface when facing the idea of the end of "single you." 

Though the time of being engaged can be an exciting whirlwind for brides, it also can feel... lonely. 

Lonely because you feel you may lose some degree of intimacy with your single girlfriends. 

Lonely because your identity is going from career-woman to wife. 

Lonely because you are trying to adjust to whole new YOU

Below I have included an excerpt from the chapter that dives into the concept of  moving out of your place, and into your fiancés (or vice-a-versa) and the emotions that may come along with now sharing one of the most personal things – a home.

Moving has never been a major trauma for Pauline

In fact, she was that rare bird who actually enjoyed the process of searching for the perfect apartment, packing up her belongings, and starting new. It had always been more of an adventure than a source of stress for Pauline.

Until she packed to move into her fiancés apartment

This move was unlike all the others. 

“I had a very keen awareness that I would be unpacking my boxes as a married person, and that alone was enough to send me off the deep end,” said Pauline.

For Pauline, the line between single life and married life was very distinct. 

She’d never lived with a guy before, so she was crossing over that line into marriage. 

“No longer would I be single,” she remembers thinking as she packed. “My life would be entwined with somebody else’s. 

"I could no longer make decisions that affected only me"

I was anticipating having somebody around all the time. 

It was a lot to get used to.” 

Click here to find out more of what Chapter 3 holds!

Please share your thoughts in the comments below, and stay tuned for next week’s installment of "Book to Blog" – Chapter 4!
Allison Moir-Smith
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Book to Blog, Chapter 2:  The Fantasy vs. the Reality of Being Engaged -- Wedding Myths Debunked! 

8/8/2014

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In Chapter Two of Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life,  I share the story of Erica, a bride whose engagement turned out to be the opposite of the fantasy she had always envisioned. 

In order for a bride to best understand that all the emotions and anxieties she is feeling are actually normal -- and even necessary -- I discuss and debunk the most common wedding myths. 

Below I have included a snippet of my favorite myth ... debunked!
Emotionally Engaged Chapter 2 Wedding Myths Debunked

Fantasy:  Your engagement will be romance 24/7

Reality:  This is a romantic time of life – choosing a ring, planning your dream wedding, imagining the future stretched out before you. 

But it’s a stressful time for your relationship with your fiancé as well. Many engaged couples report more  fighting and less sex, most uncertainty and less fun.

Many engaged couples report more fighting and less sex, most uncertainty and less fun

Why?: Because your relationship has taken on a new seriousness and permanence, and that is just plain scary. 

What’s more, your relationship -- once intensely private -- has now becomes public property. 

Everyone feels compelled to comment on whether or not you’re a good match. 

Your nosy (and tactless) Aunt Janice may shamelessly inquire, “Will he be able to provide for you in the manner to which you are accustomed, dear?” (That sure didn’t happen when you were dating.) 

On top of that, all eyes are on you to plan the perfect wedding ....

Click here to find out more of what Chapter 2 holds!

Please share your thoughts in the comments below, and stay tuned for next week’s installment of "Book to Blog" Chapter 3!
Allison Moir-Smith
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