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Brides.com: Your Parents: How to Stop Their Wedding Planning Madness

11/19/2015

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Brides.com: So, You're Not Crazy About Your Mother-In-Law...

5/22/2015

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Many brides I work with have mothers-in-law-to-be who are, shall we say, challenging to deal with.

My post from Brides.com this week begins like this:

"Bossy, opinionated, intrusive, nosy, disrespectful, unboundaried, out of line — mothers-in-law-to-be have pretty bad reputations — and sometimes these bad reps are truly deserved. Before acting out from that raging inferno inside of you that wants to make it crystal clear to her to butt out because you're now the #1 woman in her son's life, consider these three things.

1. Without her, your great guy would not exist on this planet. At the most basic level, you must respect the womb....."

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Brides.com:  How to Deal with Differing Opinions

11/20/2014

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Today's post just went live! 

Please check out my blog on brides.com:

"You Call It 'Elegant.' 
Your Mom Calls It 'Funeral.' "

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Don't miss next week's post! 
Click to follow on Twitter or Facebook -- thanks!

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How to help an emotional bride-to-be

4/29/2014

 
How to help an emotional bride-to-be
Mothers of the bride.

Friends of the bride.

Sisters of the bride.

Many people find my website because they want to help the brides-to-be in their lives who seem to be struggling with some unruly, unexpected, and difficult emotions.

Friends, sisters, mothers -- I often get emails asking, "How can I best help this emotional bride that I love so much?"

The best way to help an emotional bride: ask her about her inner life


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Engagement anxiety and engagement depression: 5 causes brides need to consider

3/3/2014

 

Nearly every bride I work with asks me:  "Where is all this stress, depression, anxiety and worry coming from?"

"I thought this was going to be the happiest time of my life!

But I'm upset and even sad much of the time.  

​(I know I want to marry my fiance, so it's not cold feet.) 

What gives?"  (Or, more often, "WTF?")
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Sarah from Australia had 7 video sessions to help with her emotional state. Here she is: happy and calm on her wedding day
I’ve worked intimately with brides since 2002, and I’ve identified 5 typical sources.

1. You are planning the most expensive and elaborate party of your life…with 2 Moms

If you and your fiancé were planning your wedding in a vacuum, just the 2 of you, it would be a piece of cake:  You know what you like, you work together, you can deal with your budget.  But that’s not what's going on here.  Most brides have not one but 2 Moms inserting their strong opinions.  So decisions become a delicate diplomatic dance.   It’s tedious and exhausting, belaboring every detail.  

Solution:  You and your fiancé define for yourselves 3 non-negotiables each for your wedding – 3 things each you are unwilling to compromise on.  Make sure you get those things, done perfectly, and then be willing to be influenced on the rest.  Especially if parents are paying.

2.  You leave that "party" -- a.k.a. your wedding -- a very changed woman. 

You go home with a husband with the power to make life-and-death decisions for you, a new branch on your family tree, and (possibly) a new last name.  Your wedding is NOT just a party.  

Solution:  Everything about your wedding feels overwrought and bigger than it should be because, well, it is.  For example, the stress you feel when you can’t find the right bridesmaids dress isn’t totally about the design and color of the dress.  Psychologically, you’re also working through how you’re going to “fit” all these important women into your new, unknown, married life with you.  Be aware of the deeper levels always going on. (Read also: Why it may be healthy to obsess about your wedding.)

3. You're mourning -- yes, mourning.

You're coming face-to-face with the end of your single life and identity as a single woman; the end of your primary family identity being “daughter”; and the end of the simpler dating days of boyfriend and girlfriend.  Each of these endings can cause emotional turmoil as brides process their feelings about these major identity changes.  

Solution:  Give yourself time and space to just feel.  Reflect.  Journal.  Acknowledge the passing of time, the change in identity, the growing up that is going on.  Mourning is background music playing in your mind right now.  Let it become foreground music occasionally to work through it.

Bride S.C. from Australia, who worked through her engagement anxiety and engagement depression with me, here on her very happy wedding day.

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