Emotionally Engaged
617-935-3362
  • Free Consult
  • Unhappy Bride
  • Brides
    • Why???
    • What Brides Say
    • Could This Be You?
    • Post-Wedding
    • FAQs
    • Book
  • Grooms
  • Parents
  • Cold Feet
  • About
    • Media Appearances
  • Blog

Brides.com: Your Parents: How to Stop Their Wedding Planning Madness

11/19/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
Click for full post on Brides.com
0 Comments

How to Work Effectively With Your Wedding Vendors, So You Can Focus on You

11/18/2014

0 Comments

 
I recently participated in a panel discussion in front of 200+ Boston-area wedding vendors. 

The conversation centered completely on YOU BRIDES: how vendors can understand you brides better, so they can serve you better.

I was impressed with the vendors I met, and thought it would be helpful to offer my perspective on the vendors you are hiring. 

Wedding vendors are professionals: 

• whose reputations and livelihoods live and die on your satisfaction.

• who are single-mindedly service-focused. 

• who are expert problem-solvers.

• who know what information they need from you; they’ll ask the right questions.

• whose job is to execute your wedding

They do it every day. Every weekend, month after month, year after year. They’ve seen it all and learned from their mistakes.

This isn’t their first wedding, like it is yours.

My advice to you?  
Hire vendors you click with,
then let them do their jobs

Because you have enough going on as a bride-to-be. 

You’ve just taken on another fulltime job. Planning one of today’s elaborate weddings, you’ve taken on another demanding, detail-focused, fulltime job, in addition to your career.

If it were your wedding – and your wedding alone – planning would be a piece of cake. Tons of decisions, yes, but you basically know the answers from the get-go: you have a vision (your bridesmaids will absolutely wear black dresses), you know how much you want to spend, and you trust your own ability to get things done.

This guy you love has his own opinions. This isn’t just your show, however. You’re constantly negotiating with him on what the wedding will be like, and by doing so, building the foundation of your marriage, sometimes through conflict.

Your family has their vision, too. Often very firm ideas about what your wedding should (and more often should not) be like. Emotions run high and hot, since you instinctively know your mom is having a fit over the black bridesmaids dresses.
And then there’s his family, who are basically complete strangers. They have a different family culture – different definitions of what’s tasteful vs. tacky, how much is “too much” to spend, even what a wedding looks like. Face it: Do you really know what you’re mother-in-law-to-be is saying about the black bridesmaid dresses behind your back?

Plus the Pinterest-perfect wedding pressure. Endless options, infinite ideas, all exquisitely executed. I often limit my Pinterest-obsessed brides to 5-minute time blocks.

Yowsa, that's A LOT.
Picture
Allison Moir-Smith at Marketing to the High-End Bride with Carolyn Croisier and Shelley Hall
Speaking at the High-End Bride "The Difficult Client" Breakfast with Carolyn Croisier, The Charles Hotel, and Shelley Hall of Catalytic Management. Thank you Arlene Cronk of Invitations & Co. for including me! http://www.johnsonphotography.com/
Artists for Humanity Epicenter hosts Marketing to the High-End Bride
Cool industrial setting at Artists for Humanity Epicenter, with students fine art displayed http://www.johnsonphotography.com/
Creative autumnal flowers by New Leaf flores
Gorgeous flowers by New Leaf flores http://www.johnsonphotography.com/

This doesn’t even include the emotional heavy-lifting you’re doing

Grieving the end your single life and identity, changing family dynamics, ending the simple dating days, all while planning your wedding. 

My advice?

Let the wedding professionals do their jobs for you.

Let them guide you. 

Answer their questions.

Then trust them to do their work. They do this every day.

So you can focus on what’s really important: your own psychological transition from single woman to married woman and your new marriage.
View from Artists for Humanity Epicenter
Boston view from Artists for Humanity Epicenter http://www.johnsonphotography.com/
PS Practical fact: Never call a vendor on a Friday and expect to hear back: they’re focused on that weekend’s wedding – as they should be. You’ll want their undivided attention when it’s your turn.

Like the content?  Get 5 unique tips that will instantly make your wedding planning less stressful.
Click here!

Thank you to

Arlene Cronk, Invitations & Co.
Theresa Johnson, Johnson Photography
Alexis Orellana, Artists of Humanity Epicenter
Gabrielle Stone, Stone Event Planning
Carolyn Croisier, The Charles Hotel
Noel Velez, Neil Cerbone Associates
Shelley Hall, Catalytic Management
Amy Porchenick, Gourmet Caterers
Larry Green,Rentals Unlimited
Mike Amado,Entertainment Specialists
Anthony D'Elia, Revelation Productions
Daniel Ospina-Lopez, Jeb Taylor, New Leaf flores

Wedding-dress-like tablecloth, Stone Event Planning
I don't usually get excited about table cloths, but this wedding-dress-like one blew me away. Flawless event design by Stone Event Planning http://www.johnsonphotography.com/
Allison Moir-Smith
0 Comments

Brides.com:  How to Deal with Bad Wedding Ideas

11/6/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
Finally, I get to share with you that I'm now a blogger on brides.com!

This has been in the works for a few months, and I'm thrilled to announce my first post just went live.  I'll post all forthcoming weekly blogs here.

Visit brides.com and learn "How to Deal with Bad Wedding Ideas in 3 Easy Steps."  And do the 3 steps!

Picture

Don't miss next week's post! 
Click to follow on Twitter or Facebook -- thanks!

0 Comments

Dear Newly Engaged Me: The wedding's in 8 days. Here's what I wish I'd known from the beginning

7/10/2014

11 Comments

 
Dear Newly Engaged Me. Here's what I wish I'd known 18 months ago
A brief note from Allison:  

I'm excited to launch this new series -- Dear Newly Engaged Me, written by brides themselves -- about their own experiences of being engaged.  These are intimate, personal portraits, and most brides ask to remain anonymous.  If you'd like to contribute, email me!  

Thanks to Dear Me: A Letter to My 16-Year-Old Self for the inspiration.  Please check out this wonderful site and book.

This first Dear Newly Engaged Me is written by a 31-year-old bride. We worked together via Skype weekly for four months leading up to her wedding. 

Dear Newly Engaged Me:

I'm getting married in eight days. I feel good -- great, in fact.  Excited. Happy.  Certain.  And very, very busy with last-minute details.

But it wasn't always that way for me during this 18 months of being engaged. Not by a long shot.

It's OK to think he isn't "The One"


Read More
11 Comments

The Private Lives of Engaged Couples: There's a lot more than wedding planning going on

5/24/2014

0 Comments

 

Nearly all brides and grooms have this fixed idea -- this fantasy -- that their engagement will be love and romance 24/7

Emotional Lives of Engaged Couples: There's a lot more than wedding planning going on
Engagement IS a romantic time of life -- choosing a ring, planning your dream wedding, imagining your future stretched out before you.

It's a stressful time for engaged couples as well.

Many engaged couples report more fighting and less sex.

Why?

Once intensely private, your relationship has now become public property

Everyone feels compelled to comment on whether or not you’re a good match.  

Read More
0 Comments

Engagement anxiety and engagement depression: 5 causes brides need to consider

3/3/2014

 

Nearly every bride I work with asks me:  "Where is all this stress, depression, anxiety and worry coming from?"

"I thought this was going to be the happiest time of my life!

But I'm upset and even sad much of the time.  

​(I know I want to marry my fiance, so it's not cold feet.) 

What gives?"  (Or, more often, "WTF?")
Picture
Sarah from Australia had 7 video sessions to help with her emotional state. Here she is: happy and calm on her wedding day
I’ve worked intimately with brides since 2002, and I’ve identified 5 typical sources.

1. You are planning the most expensive and elaborate party of your life…with 2 Moms

If you and your fiancé were planning your wedding in a vacuum, just the 2 of you, it would be a piece of cake:  You know what you like, you work together, you can deal with your budget.  But that’s not what's going on here.  Most brides have not one but 2 Moms inserting their strong opinions.  So decisions become a delicate diplomatic dance.   It’s tedious and exhausting, belaboring every detail.  

Solution:  You and your fiancé define for yourselves 3 non-negotiables each for your wedding – 3 things each you are unwilling to compromise on.  Make sure you get those things, done perfectly, and then be willing to be influenced on the rest.  Especially if parents are paying.

2.  You leave that "party" -- a.k.a. your wedding -- a very changed woman. 

You go home with a husband with the power to make life-and-death decisions for you, a new branch on your family tree, and (possibly) a new last name.  Your wedding is NOT just a party.  

Solution:  Everything about your wedding feels overwrought and bigger than it should be because, well, it is.  For example, the stress you feel when you can’t find the right bridesmaids dress isn’t totally about the design and color of the dress.  Psychologically, you’re also working through how you’re going to “fit” all these important women into your new, unknown, married life with you.  Be aware of the deeper levels always going on. (Read also: Why it may be healthy to obsess about your wedding.)

3. You're mourning -- yes, mourning.

You're coming face-to-face with the end of your single life and identity as a single woman; the end of your primary family identity being “daughter”; and the end of the simpler dating days of boyfriend and girlfriend.  Each of these endings can cause emotional turmoil as brides process their feelings about these major identity changes.  

Solution:  Give yourself time and space to just feel.  Reflect.  Journal.  Acknowledge the passing of time, the change in identity, the growing up that is going on.  Mourning is background music playing in your mind right now.  Let it become foreground music occasionally to work through it.

Bride S.C. from Australia, who worked through her engagement anxiety and engagement depression with me, here on her very happy wedding day.

Read More

A Wedding is NOT just a Big Party

1/29/2014

1 Comment

 
I'm sure you've heard -- or even thought yourself -- that your wedding is just a big party, with a marriage ceremony at the beginning.

I ask you:

How many parties have you attended from which you've gone home with a new husband who has the power to make life-and-death decisions for you, a new branch on your family tree, and (possibly) a new last name?

I rest my case.

Picture
Picture

Need some emotional help as you plan the 
"biggest party of your life"?


Let's meet!

FREE 15-min. CONSULT
Keywords: #weddingstress, #bridestress, #whyweddingstressful
Allison Moir-Smith
1 Comment

For brides, every day is Cyber Monday

12/3/2013

0 Comments

 
Before you can blink, the Thanksgiving holiday weekend is over, and there's talk about sales, buying and holiday shopping not just ALL Weekend but culminating with Cyber Monday. 

The wedding industry complex is the bride's equivalent of Cyber Monday and it's enough, as one writer put here in her blog, to make you "want to gouge your eyes out." (From A Practical Wedding)

But your wedding planning need not be so intense.  

I can help you put it in a new perspective. If you or someone you know is about to get married and feeling overwhelmed by all consumerism of wedding planning, call me!
Allison Moir-Smith
0 Comments

Are you going on a "mini-moon"?

10/21/2013

0 Comments

 
Fun piece in this Sunday's NY Times on the new trend of taking a "mini-moon" right after the wedding and the official honeymoon a few months later.

I love this new trend, and wish it had been going on when I got married back in 2002.  Because I felt like the brides quoted in the piece (and I bet you do too):

  • Planning fatigue -- the idea of planning a really nice honeymoon is overwhelming, on top of planning your wedding
  • Money is tight -- paying for a wedding and honeymoon in one fell swoop...that's a lot of dough
  • Work is neglected -- the final weeks before your wedding, let's be real:  your work gets a bit neglected.  It's tough to imagine tacking another 2 weeks off after the wedding.


Interesting statistic:  of the 38 couples married at the Whiteface Lodge in Lake Placid, NY, half took mini-moons after their weddings.  To read full article, click here.

I can think of 3 brides I worked with who married this summer who are taking "mini-moons."

How about you? What are you doing?
0 Comments

"How to Deal with a Bridezilla" on Radio MD

8/13/2013

4 Comments

 
Brides often get a bad rap for being "Bridezillas" -- demanding, detail-obsessed, unyielding, even selfish and argumentative.  

But as I explain in this this interview on RadioMD with Melanie Cole, MS, "How to Deal with a Bridezilla," there's a reason for all this bridal drama....and there are some very helpful ways that bridesmaids and friends of the bride can do and say to the bride to dial it down.

To listen to this 10-minute interview, click here.

And be sure to pass it along to your bridesmaids, so they can help move out of crisis-mode and re-focus on what's truly important: getting married.

Feeling like a bridezilla? Contact me for a free 15-minute video consultation. I'll be in touch within 24 hours.

Allison Moir-Smith
Picture
4 Comments
<<Previous

    How to be a Happier
    ​Bride-to-Be

    Picture

    Free Consultation

    Blog Categories

    All
    Advice
    Anxiety
    Book To Blog
    Brides.com Blogs
    Brides: Feelings
    Brides: Sessions
    Brides: Success Stories
    Cold Feet
    Dear Newly Engaged Me
    Depression
    Emotionally Engaged
    Emotions
    Engagement
    Family
    Grief
    Help For Brides
    Holidays
    Love
    Mother
    Myths
    Psychology
    Real Emotions
    Relationships
    Sessions W Brides
    Wedding Day
    Wedding Planning
    Wedding Stress

    Archives

    May 2022
    April 2021
    April 2020
    March 2020
    December 2019
    October 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    December 2017
    March 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012

    RSS Feed

Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Free Consult
Cold Feet
Contact

Helping brides & grooms feel happier, calmer and better prepared for marriage since 2002.
​