Engagement IS a romantic time of life -- choosing a ring, planning your dream wedding, imagining your future stretched out before you.

It's a stressful time for engaged couples as well.

Many engaged couples report more fighting and less sex.

Why?

Everyone feels compelled to comment on whether or not you’re a good match.  

One reason your wedding is called your "big day" is because of the supersized emotions you'll probably feel.  

The flood of love for your brand-new husband.  The joy of being surrounded by your nearest and dearest. The stress of pulling off this big event.  The twinge of sadness coupled with excitement as you walk down the aisle.  The lighthearted fun and wildness when it's finally time to party.  So much going on all at once! 

Here are 7 tips that can help you:

• stay connected to yourself
  
• feel your emotions as they are happening
  
• be present on your wedding day.
  

Keep these in mind, and you won't have to watch your wedding day on video when you return from your honeymoon just to remember what happened.  You'll be fully present.

Some brides just can't wait to be the center of attention on their wedding days.  It's their time to shine, their dream come true.  They love the spotlight. They're  wired that way.

Maybe you're a really private person.
Maybe you're introverted.
Maybe you're downright shy.
Maybe you feel pressure to perform.

All eyes are on you, as you commit the intimate act of joining together for the rest of your lives.

You’re going to hear "don't be nervous" from everybody – your rabbi, your minister.  Your maid of honor, your bridesmaids.  Your Mom, your Dad.  Your wedding coordinator. Even those teeny tiny flower girls might tell you: “Don’t be nervous.”
 
Don’t be nervous?  Yeah, right.  Are they the ones wearing the big, white dress, with all eyes on them, about to make a lifelong decision?  We think not.

1.  It is the grandest of entrances.

2.  It is one of those Big Moments in life. 

3.  It is silent.

4.  It is ceremonial: your guests will stand to honor you.

5.  It is transformative: you are walking out of one stage of your life and into a new one.

6. It is unknown and unpredictable: you can try to anticipate how you’re going to feel, but in the moment, you can’t control it. (Nor should you, if you want to be authentic.)

7.  It is sad: just look at your wistful Mom and Dad.

8.  It is powerful and moving: just look at your choked-up fiancé.

9.  It is the most photographed walk of your life:  how odd it is to be the subject of paparazzos.

10.  It is nothing short of life changing and profound.

It’s OK to be nervous – got it? ​

1. You are not alone.  Whether or not you walk with your Dad, parents, or solo, you are not alone. You’ve surrounded yourself with your nearest and dearest.
 
2. It’s epic and ancient.  Think of the billions of brides who’ve come before you. You are walking in their footsteps. We think this is a pretty cool concept.
 
3. It’s a forgiving crowd.  Remember: you’re not giving work presentation in front of your cutthroat co-workers. Everyone in this crowd is so happy for you.
 
4. He’s waiting at the end of the aisle.  This wonderful man you’ve chosen, who’ll walk with you in life til the end of your days. 
 
5. This is what you want.  This man. This life.  This future.  It all begins now.  All you have to do is take that walk down the aisle.

Let me help you feel better prepared for your wedding day.  Schedule your consultation now.

When a friend confides in you that she has cold feet before her wedding, what's the most helpful way to respond?

First, show your friend that you can handle her complex and contradictory situation. Let her know through your words and actions that you can tolerate the discomfort, complexity, and sensitivity of her situation.

Don't say,"If you have any doubts, then you should call off your wedding," (Click to read my blog post on why it's so wrong.)  

Say that, and your friend will likely cross you off her list of confidantes. She may even stop talking with you about what's going on altogether and move on to a friend who won’t have such a strong opinion, be judgmental or tell her what she should do.

Here are 5 ways to help a friend with cold feet before his or her wedding:

Yes, I work with grooms, too.  And love it.

It's rare find for a guy to seek out counseling before the wedding.

But it's a wonderful sign of his commitment to the marriage.  

It's a sign that he wants to really understand the complex feelings that his fiance is feeling.  He also who wants to understand what he's feeling...the surprising feelings of fear and sadness that often come up for the grooms, even though he's the one who got the ball rolling by proposing.

It can be confusing, for everyone getting married.

That's why I love this email I received from Ron -- a very manly man who fights forest fires for a living:

I encourage every bride I work with to have her fiance read at least some of my book -- at the very least, Chapter 1, my own personal crazy story of wedding stress turned to joy -- so he can get a better grasp from a third party...an expert...what's going on for her.

This email is proof that that tactic works.

Thanks, Ron!

Whether or not you walk down the aisle is entirely up to you.

For my part, I care about helping people make the best decisions they can about their upcoming weddings, whether it's calling it off or working through the feelings that cause them indecision.

I’ve been counseling brides and grooms with cold feet for more than 12 years, and I understand how difficult it is to have doubts and ask the hard questions.

Is it him? Her? You? The relationship? The wedding itself?

Untangling your feelings of cold feet before your wedding can sometimes seem like unraveling a complex knot.

It doesn't help when a well-meaning family member or friend who knows you are struggling and upset says, “If you have any doubts, you should just call it off.”

It only makes you feel worse.

Because it’s bad advice.

Here’s why:  

you’ll still have to make sense of WHY you called it off.  

For your own life narrative -- for your sense of who you are as a person -- you’ll need a clear understanding of why you canceled your wedding beyond It just didn't feel right.

To help you reach that clear understanding, I’ve created a 5-day cold feet email course to help you get to the root causes of your cold feet.  

Yes, you may ultimately determine that this man or woman  just isn't right for you.  But in my experience, that isn’t always the case.  And with a decision this big, it's wise to leave no stone unturned.

Keywords: #weddingstress, #bridestress, #whyweddingstressful

Some brides really struggle with the idea that, all of a sudden, once engaged, they become a bit obsessed with planning their weddings.  

"I'm a pretty serious person, with a serious job as an attorney," bride-to-be Erica told me.  "But not only do I love thinking about my wedding, it's almost as if I can't focus on much else."

My advice? Give in to it, Erica. 

Allowing your wedding planning to take over your life can actually be beneficial in helping you make the transition from single to married.  

"Before I got engaged," Erica continued, "I'd laugh at and ridicule my friends who were obsessed with their weddings.  But now, I get it.  I think about and talk about my wedding all the time. I just can't help it!"

What if Erica stopped worrying and judging and gave herself over to where she is?

Because being engrossed with your wedding can be psychologically and emotionally healthy, if you can find the metaphors in all the detailed work you are doing.

For example, trying on dress after dress helps you become comfortable in your new skin as a bride.

Tweaking your online registry -- 10 place settings? 12? 10? -- helps you imagine your new married home, life, and china closet.

Finding the perfect placecards helps you wrap your brain around the fact that all your friends and family will be gathered in one place to celebrate your marriage.

All the work you put into your wedding -- the countless hours, the flipping through magazines, the dreaming, the scheming, the tasting, the trying on, the making lists, the making calls -- helps you process and integrate the identity changes that will occur on your wedding day.

Every wedding detail -- when you think of it metaphorically -- can facilitate your transition from single to married.

So go ahead: be obsessed with your wedding if you want to be.  Just bring a psychological awareness to your obsession.  Find the bigger picture and the metaphor in the puff pastries.