You are dealing with something no bride has faced in 102 yearsSince the Spanish flu of 1918. No one alive on the planet has had to cancel their weddings due to a pandemic of this scale before. It's crazy. It's not fair what's happened during your engagement |  |
So. Not. Fair.
We all feel that for you.
There’s a place in everyone’s heart for brides whose wedding plans have been destroyed by coronavirus.
When we imagine walking in your shoes right now -- canceling weddings and letting go of long-dreamed-of plans – our hearts break for you. Don’t forget that.
We all feel that for you.
There’s a place in everyone’s heart for brides whose wedding plans have been destroyed by coronavirus.
When we imagine walking in your shoes right now -- canceling weddings and letting go of long-dreamed-of plans – our hearts break for you. Don’t forget that.
You are the most brokenhearted, of course
Which is why the three words you need to hear most right now are, “I’m so sorry.”
Unfortunately, you're not hearing that enough right now.
In the past week, I’ve met with brides from Australia to Dublin to Chicago.
They've canceled fully-paid-for weddings.
They've canceled month-long, once-in-a-lifetime ‘round-the-world honeymoons.
And they've canceled bachelorette parties in Miami.
Late spring and summer brides have had their plans thrown into unknown disarray.
Unfortunately, you're not hearing that enough right now.
In the past week, I’ve met with brides from Australia to Dublin to Chicago.
They've canceled fully-paid-for weddings.
They've canceled month-long, once-in-a-lifetime ‘round-the-world honeymoons.
And they've canceled bachelorette parties in Miami.
Late spring and summer brides have had their plans thrown into unknown disarray.
All are feeling intense sadness, anger, unfairness, powerlessness, anxiety and hurt
All are feeling alone and misunderstood in their pain.
All need compassion and a place to vent and rage and make sense of what has happened to your plans and dreams.
Yet they aren’t finding as much kindness as they need.
All need compassion and a place to vent and rage and make sense of what has happened to your plans and dreams.
Yet they aren’t finding as much kindness as they need.
They receive flippant texts
Texts reading: “So sorry – I know you’ll figure it out for the summer, when this is over!”
Or “OMG, I feel so bad for you! What are you going to do?” Which makes them feel pressured to be happy about whatever cobbled-together, half-assed, consolation-prize wedding they might end up with.
Or they beat themselves up, thinking, ‘People are dying; I feel selfish for even feeling bad about this.’
Or “OMG, I feel so bad for you! What are you going to do?” Which makes them feel pressured to be happy about whatever cobbled-together, half-assed, consolation-prize wedding they might end up with.
Or they beat themselves up, thinking, ‘People are dying; I feel selfish for even feeling bad about this.’
Can you relate?
You're all suffering grief and anger and disappointment.
You may be hiding the depths of your disappointment from others.
Yet I've seen before my eyes on video, my simply saying “I’m so, so sorry,” has helped each woman I spoke with deal a little bit better with her sadness, anger, disappointment and overwhelm.
Having the pain acknowledged and authentically seen has helped them feel less alone, more understood.
You may be hiding the depths of your disappointment from others.
Yet I've seen before my eyes on video, my simply saying “I’m so, so sorry,” has helped each woman I spoke with deal a little bit better with her sadness, anger, disappointment and overwhelm.
Having the pain acknowledged and authentically seen has helped them feel less alone, more understood.
Hearing the genuine “I’m so, so sorry,” helped them start to grieve their beautiful wedding plans
Their money lost. Their wedding dreams destroyed.
Being asked in detail what they’re most sad about helped them start to name the losses.
Sharing the deep disappointment made it a bit more bearable.
Really, what else is there to say to a bride who canceled her wedding because of coronavirus?
Being asked in detail what they’re most sad about helped them start to name the losses.
Sharing the deep disappointment made it a bit more bearable.
Really, what else is there to say to a bride who canceled her wedding because of coronavirus?
Ask the people in your life to do these 3 things:
1. Say, "I'm so sorry this happened to you," with a calm, compassionate, open and broken heart.
2. Repeat it often.
3. Then shut up and listen.
2. Repeat it often.
3. Then shut up and listen.
This is the first in a series of posts for brides in the era of coronavirus.
Other topics to come:
Why You’ve Got To Mourn Your Canceled Wedding and Engagement Plans
How to Mourn Your Canceled Wedding and Engagement Plans
Are there other aspects of being a bride during coronavirus you'd like me to address?
Send me a note! Or leave a comment below.
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