Emotionally Engaged
617-935-3362
  • Free Consult
  • Unhappy Bride
  • Brides
    • Why???
    • What Brides Say
    • Could This Be You?
    • Post-Wedding
    • FAQs
    • Book
  • Grooms
  • Parents
  • Cold Feet
  • About
    • Media Appearances
  • Blog

The Worst Thing You Can Say to a Bride or Groom With Cold Feet Before the Wedding

4/4/2014

2 Comments

 
The worst thing you can say to a bride or groom with cold feet before the wedding
When a friend tells you she (or he) is having cold feet before the wedding, what's the worst thing you can say?

"If you're having any doubts, 
you should call off your wedding."

Here's why it's so wrong:

1.  It's not helpful.  It's condescending and also stating the obvious.  (They've been down this road many times before in their own mind).  And your saying it out loud is just not helpful. In fact, it just makes them feel worse for struggling with their feelings.

2.  It's too simplistic.  True, it may be the guy or the girl they're about to marry who's not the right fit.  But there are many other possible sources of a bride or groom's cold feet -- family issues, fear of growing up into full adulthood, sadness about the end of single life. I've written a whole book about it.

3. It's alienating.  You're the one who's going to be alienated from his or her process of figuring it out if you make a bold suggestion like calling off the wedding. You've come across as judgmental and so have just made yourself an unsafe person to confide in.
Just jitters or serious cold feet? Figure it out with the Cold Feet Email Course

I've been helping brides and grooms with cold feet
​since 2002

Let's meet to see if
​I can help you too
FREE 15-min. CONSULT
Keywords: #coldfeet, #coldfeetwedding, #coldfeetgroom, #coldfeetbride, #coldfeetmarriage
Allison Moir-Smith
2 Comments
Jennifer Slack link
4/6/2014 12:47:22 pm

Allison, I love that you called out this phrase "If you're having any doubts, you should call off your wedding". Far to many bridesmaids/girlfriends or mothers often use this phrase. I find it's truly a lack of understanding on the inner process that one is going through during this Life Rite of Passage. If it was truly understand, among women especially, we would be able to support one another during this incredible journey that should be embraced not battered.

Reply
Allison Moir-Smith link
4/8/2014 04:50:40 am

Thanks, Jennifer!

My hopes in writing these blogs is to help you brides and grooms get the support and compassion you need from your friends and family as you sort through this.

I know how frustrating and unhelpful it is to get that simplistic "just call it off" response.

Let's get this out into the world, plus my 5 Ways To Help Your Friend with Cold Feet blog post. I know everyone's friends and families can step up -- they just need to be given the right tools!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    How to be a Happier
    ​Bride-to-Be

    Picture

    Free Consultation

    Blog Categories

    All
    Advice
    Anxiety
    Book To Blog
    Brides.com Blogs
    Brides: Feelings
    Brides: Sessions
    Brides: Success Stories
    Cold Feet
    Dear Newly Engaged Me
    Depression
    Emotionally Engaged
    Emotions
    Engagement
    Family
    Grief
    Help For Brides
    Holidays
    Love
    Mother
    Myths
    Psychology
    Real Emotions
    Relationships
    Sessions W Brides
    Wedding Day
    Wedding Planning
    Wedding Stress

    Archives

    May 2022
    April 2021
    April 2020
    March 2020
    December 2019
    October 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    December 2017
    March 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012

    RSS Feed

Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Free Consult
Cold Feet
Contact

Helping brides & grooms feel happier, calmer and better prepared for marriage since 2002.
​