When a friend tells you she (or he) is having cold feet before the wedding, what's the worst thing you can say?
"If you're having any doubts,
you should call off your wedding."
Here's why it's so wrong:
1. It's not helpful. It's condescending and also stating the obvious. (They've been down this road many times before in their own mind). And your saying it out loud is just not helpful. In fact, it just makes them feel worse for struggling with their feelings.
"If you're having any doubts,
you should call off your wedding."
Here's why it's so wrong:
1. It's not helpful. It's condescending and also stating the obvious. (They've been down this road many times before in their own mind). And your saying it out loud is just not helpful. In fact, it just makes them feel worse for struggling with their feelings.
2. It's too simplistic. True, it may be the guy or the girl they're about to marry who's not the right fit. But there are many other possible sources of a bride or groom's cold feet -- family issues, fear of growing up into full adulthood, sadness about the end of single life. I've written a whole book about it.
3. It's alienating. You're the one who's going to be alienated from his or her process of figuring it out if you make a bold suggestion like calling off the wedding. You've come across as judgmental and so have just made yourself an unsafe person to confide in.
3. It's alienating. You're the one who's going to be alienated from his or her process of figuring it out if you make a bold suggestion like calling off the wedding. You've come across as judgmental and so have just made yourself an unsafe person to confide in.
Keywords: #coldfeet, #coldfeetwedding, #coldfeetgroom, #coldfeetbride, #coldfeetmarriage
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