Chapter 4 of my eBook “Emotionally Engaged: A Bride’s Guide To Surviving The Happiest Time Of Her Life“ dives into the concept of family, and how certain roles and relationships may be altered during the length of the engagement, and ultimately in married life.
From the mothers who insist on taking on the wedding-planning-role, to siblings refusing to build a relationship with the fiancé – it can be a hectic, overwhelming time.
I share stories of brides who each had different experiences, but all eventually had to face what was really going on beneath the surface.
Below I have included a portion of Maria’s story.
With only five months until her wedding, Maria only had one thing nailed down: her dress
Somewhere between getting engaged, and desperately trying to keep playing her role of the peacemaker of the family, Maria forgot about one person – herself.
Letting go of your family role
We all play roles within our families of origin; fulfilling our family’s needs is one way we get love and attention.
In Maria’s warring family, for example, someone needed to play the role of peacemaker. Her parents and siblings obviously couldn’t do it, since they were combatants, so she was inevitably cast in the part.
Playing that role fulfilled both her need to feel appreciated by each family member and her family’s need for a calming presence….
Getting married is one of those times when it is necessary to shed some of your old ways
So that you can embrace new ways of being.
Maria, for example, wanted to be fully and wholeheartedly married to Jeff. She wanted to expand her self-image to include the role of wife.
She wanted to de-emphasize her role as peacemaker
She would always be there for her family in some capacity to offer them love and support, but she was tired of refereeing squabbles and ready to live more for herself and her husband-to-be.
She wanted to devote time to building her new, married life and the foundation of her new family
This required a major change not only in her perspective, but in her behavior as well.
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