Emotionally Engaged - Blog

Wedding Bereavement Group: Did you cancel your wedding because of coronavirus?

3/24/2020

To some in this time of coronavirus, the idea of a Wedding Bereavement Group may seem like an inappropriate response to a global pandemic.

To brides I'm meeting with -- who have canceled completely paid-for weddings, April and May weddings, 'round-the-world honeymoons, and bachelorette parties in Miami Beach -- the opportunity to share the experience with others who really get it sounds like a relief.

Sharing with other women who feel your specific pain, loss, anger and unfairness may be very comforting

It's an opportunity to feel deeply understood. To have your pain acknowledged and shared and empathized with...because the women you'll meet are feeling the same thing.

Each bride will get 5 minutes to share her story, with discussion to follow

I also ask that each bride comes prepared to describe one detail -- the first dance you went to lessons for, the walk down the aisle, the getting dressed with your bridesmaids -- the one detail that breaks your heart to miss out on. Share it with us -- we want to know.

Who: You, if you've had to cancel or change any wedding plans

What: 90-minute Zoom meeting

When: Friday, April 3 at 3pm Eastern

How Much: FREE, this first time, to see if it's helpful.

Limited to 10 brides

To Register: email me: allison@emotionallyengaged.com

Don't be shy about signing up -- because if nobody else does, you get a free session with me. I'll be on Zoom, no matter what!

The 3 Words Brides Need to Hear During Coronavirus

3/17/2020

You are dealing with something no bride has faced in 102 years

Since the Spanish flu of 1918.

No one alive on the planet has had to cancel their weddings due to a pandemic of this scale before.

It's crazy.

It's not fair what's happened during your engagement

So. Not. Fair.

We all feel that for you.

There’s a place in everyone’s heart for brides whose wedding plans have been destroyed by coronavirus.

When we imagine walking in your shoes right now -- canceling weddings and letting go of long-dreamed-of plans – our hearts break for you. Don’t forget that.

You are the most brokenhearted, of course

Which is why the three words you need to hear most right now are, “I’m so sorry.”

Unfortunately, you're not hearing that enough right now.

In the past week, I’ve met with brides from Australia to Dublin to Chicago.

They've canceled fully-paid-for weddings.

They've canceled month-long, once-in-a-lifetime ‘round-the-world honeymoons.

And they've canceled bachelorette parties in Miami.

Late spring and summer brides have had their plans thrown into unknown disarray.

All are feeling intense sadness, anger, unfairness, powerlessness, anxiety and hurt

All are feeling alone and misunderstood in their pain.

All need compassion and a place to vent and rage and make sense of what has happened to your plans and dreams.

Yet they aren’t finding as much kindness as they need.

They receive flippant texts

Texts reading: “So sorry – I know you’ll figure it out for the summer, when this is over!”

Or “OMG, I feel so bad for you! What are you going to do?” Which makes them feel pressured to be happy about whatever cobbled-together, half-assed, consolation-prize wedding they might end up with.

Or they beat themselves up, thinking, ‘People are dying; I feel selfish for even feeling bad about this.’

Can you relate?

You're all suffering grief and anger and disappointment.

You may be hiding the depths of your disappointment from others.

Yet I've seen before my eyes on video, my simply saying “I’m so, so sorry,” has helped each woman I spoke with deal a little bit better with her sadness, anger, disappointment and overwhelm.

Having the pain acknowledged and authentically seen has helped them feel less alone, more understood.

Hearing the genuine “I’m so, so sorry,” helped them start to grieve their beautiful wedding plans

Their money lost. Their wedding dreams destroyed.

Being asked in detail what they’re most sad about helped them start to name the losses.

Sharing the deep disappointment made it a bit more bearable.

Really, what else is there to say to a bride who canceled her wedding because of coronavirus?

Ask the people in your life to do these 3 things:

1. Say, "I'm so sorry this happened to you," with a calm, compassionate, open and broken heart.

2. Repeat it often.

3. Then shut up and listen.

This is the first in a series of posts for brides in the era of coronavirus.

Other topics to come:

Why You’ve Got To Mourn Your Canceled Wedding and Engagement Plans

How to Mourn Your Canceled Wedding and Engagement Plans

Are there other aspects of being a bride during coronavirus you'd like me to address?

Send me a note! Or leave a comment below.

To Newly Engaged and Freaking Out: I'm Working Mon, Dec 30

12/27/2019

If you got engaged over Christmas and are freaking out, please explore my site, check out my video series and know that I'm available for a FREE 15-minute video consultation on Monday, December 30. First come, first served!

Sign up for your free consultation by completing this form.

I'm here to help!

Featured in the New York Times: "Why Stress When You Can See A Wedding Therapist"

12/8/2019

You are not alone, if you've found this site and are wanting help with your wedding stress.

Here's a whole article in today's New York Times: Why Stress When You Can See a Wedding Therapist.

It's always an honor to be in the paper of record!

"I was able to focus on the true meaning of my wedding day, not my anxiety."

10/1/2019

A recent note from a bride:

Thank you so much for helping me work through the transition of single to married woman.

I acknowledge that Alex and I would not be where we are today if it wasn't for your support throughout the year and months before the wedding in May.

Going into my wedding day with such a clear and calm mind -- despite the normal exhaustion :) -- allowed me to be fully present and help me to focus on the true meaning of the day, rather than my anxiety.

I really cannot thank you enough for all that you've done (and continue to do) to prepare me for this marriage.

Thank you!!!
Jenny

Comparing Your Relationship

3/25/2019

We all compare our relationships – even when we know it’s not good for us.

We judge our own relationships against, well, basically every other couple that walks the earth, wondering if they are more in love/have better sex/are better friends/are more compatible/have what it takes to last for a lifetime.

The comparisons go on and on and on. Endlessly.

Who do you compare your relationship to?

Your annoying Facebook friend with her perfectly curated marriage (“My husband brought me flowers again, third time this week!!!”)?

The perfectly athletic blonde-and-blue-eyed couple next door?

Harry and Megan?

There's one comparison you're constantly making -- and you don't even know it.

Sweet Relief from Engagement Anxiety

2/1/2019

Here's a roundup of success stories and journeys of brides and grooms I've worked with.

The common denominators among them?

25- 45 years old
Consider themselves highly analytical or over-analytical
Feel a lot of anxiety or sadness
Reflective (or willing to learn how to be self-reflective)
Willing to roll up their sleeves and do some emotional work

Read about the turnarounds these brides and grooms achieved:

Jenna. "Three months after getting engaged, I started feeling uncertain...."

Nick: "My analytical brain was in over-drive...."

Erin: "I was so scared that what I was feeling wasn't "normal."

Ashley: "Eight months before our wedding, I completely freaked out."

Alec, Jake, Gary, and more men: "I think that men aren't expected to grapple with the emotional intensity that comes with marriage, and that expectation makes the anxiety of getting married even more isolating."

Rachel, Samantha, Jasmine, and more women: "With my wedding just a few days away, I feel calm, content, and together."

Want to make a similar turnaround?
Contact me for a free 15-min video consultation.

Holidays as an Engaged Couple: What to Expect

12/18/2018

The holidays are a magical time for engaged couples. You and your fiancé will be the center of attention. You’ll receive gifts, toasts, and good wishes. You’ll have parties thrown for you. You’ll be asked all about your wedding. You’ll feel more in love with your fiancé than you have since he popped the question.

Even better yet: you’ll find yourselves envisioning holidays in years to come, imagining new traditions you’ll start and the children that you’ll share them with.

Don't be surprised, though, by "blue" Christmas moments.

"Three Months After Getting Engaged, I Started Feeling Uncertain..."

10/24/2018

My uncertainty compounded over a few months of rumination and eventually grew into dread and paralysis.

I was overwhelmed. I constantly had a pit in my stomach. I cried often, and I almost called off my wedding.

I thought that the feelings I was experiencing could ONLY mean that the marriage was not supposed to happen.

It's Engagement Season! So It's My Busy Season!

12/14/2017

Yippee for me!

This time of year, traffic on this website jumps, and a whole new group of newly engaged brides-to-be are coming my way.

Looking for explanations for why being engaged is so much more complicated than they ever anticipated.

Looking for answers to questions such as:

Why am I excited one minute and a puddle of tears the next?
Why don't I feel ONLY happy?
Why is my Dad acting so weird (and cold)?
Why is my Mom so on my case about setting a date? (We've been engaged for, like, 5 minutes!)
Why am I thinking about my ex boyfriend?
Why am I constantly asking myself, "Will we be happy in 5, 10, 15 years?"
Why am I anxious, sad and confused..when I thought I'd only be happy?
Why, if I bring this up to family and friends, do they get a horrified look on their face and tell me, "But this should be the happiest time of your life?"